Cruel Intentions

So I have been battling with what I actually believe today, can life really think that it is funny causing all these things to happen at once?  Then I decided to write a list of the things I am gratetful for so here we go..

1. Amazing Parents
2. Best Brothers I could ever wish for
3. Sister in Laws that I adore and love 
4. My beauitful baby girl niece, I adore her 
5. My troublesome nephews that have yet to entire this world (due in October)
6. Unbelievable Grandparents 
7. of course my Toby Tigger
8. The most wonderful extended family
9. Mogs, bestest friend in the world
10. Neil - might not see each other enough but an amazing friend in every way
11. The Man, ranking high I know, but he inspires me, puts up with me and most import makes me laugh.
12. All my other friends, they know who they are and they know how important they are
13. My Job, I love everyday I make it into the office
14. Learning new things 
15. Travelling to anywhere inside and out of Britain
16. Clouds, I love clouds
17. I love the word Aubergine, don't ask just do
18. I love that I have M.S rather than anyone else I know, wouldn't wish it on anyone (well maybe one person but that you just be karma....I meant mean)
19. I love smiling at stranger on the tube when it makes them smile back.
20. I like all different films
21. I like swimming, such a great place to forget the world
22. I love Summer Rain, getting soaked but not feeling cold
23. I love my tattoo's
24. I love the days that the pain subsides.
25. I love that I have my whole life infront of me (he he he!  that is such a lie, I'm 28, meaning it is not 'my whole life' or I would just be being born, Doh!)
26. I love that I will still be able to do every thing I had planned to do
27. I am grateful that 10 years of not knowing this one of life's secrets has made me the person I am today.
28. I am grateful that my life so far has been filled with such love from the people I know (minus that person who.....shhhh, don't be mean now J, we are saying the things we love)
29. I love that Jim didn't fix it and let me marry Mel Gibson, that man has issues.
30. Finally, I am happy that I can write this blog and share the nonsense that is in my head.

I have had a chilled out weekend, the Man and I watched loads of films, Deadline, Paranormal Activity, The Haunting, Shrink, Unborn and Edge of Darkness.  Film Fest I know but I didn't feel like facing the world at all, I really wanted to hide away and wait till the world found another victim.  I hate feeling like a victim but sometimes I can't help it.  I also hate being around other people in case my sad feelings are infectious and I also don't like the feeling of being a dark, dense energy (shut up, you know what I mean) so I tend to hide in my room and come down when I am feeling better.

Monster was also not being fair to me, especially this morning.  It felt like someone had grazed the inside of my spine so every time I breathed or moved it was incredible painful but lying on the floor and having the Man to talk to soon made it ease off and I continued feeling sorry for myself for the remainder of the day.

If I had piece of advise to give someone going through this M.S malarkey it would be - frowning makes you frown, and will result in face ache! So even when it hurts so bad the thought of giving up breathing appeals, remember that doing so will cause you to turn blue, and then you will be in pain and look like a smurf.  So lie on the floor, eat choccies, hide under your duvet do what ever you can to make yourself feel a little bit better. I am reconfirming this to myself by the way, I find when I talk these things through on here it makes me feel a bit better.

Oh gotta mention that my big bro and his fairy princess are coming to London in 2 weeks so we are going to have so much fun.  I loves them billions

Signing out xxxxxxx

Night night