Yep yep I am on the train with the Man again headed back to London, might I add that we are on the slow train which takes forever and a day and stops everywhere, especially the made up places that only exist because this weird and wonderful train stops there. I actually don’t mind this train when we get it, mostly because I love the Mans company and I can write a load of nonsense to you for two and a bit hours.
I have had a lovely few days with my Mum and Dad, made even better by the Man traveling down on Friday after a brain teasing workshop for his new work. I can relax down at my folks house and I love not hearing sirens all the time. I have actually decided that the cops in London are just so desperate to get to their coffee breaks, or are so excited that they deem it necessary to put their sirens on at the weirdest times. When have you ever phoned the cops and they have turned up within a reasonable time frame? I mean it isn’t like they would be thrilled to go out to a scene in London is it...scary stuff. I think that the excessive siren use must be ‘break time’. Don’t get me wrong I am a fan of the cops (most of the time) but I am not a fan of their sirens. I mean if it was the quaint nee naawww neee naaawwww that we, ‘Britain’, have become famous for it would be different but this screeching is really not necessary, in actual fact I find it rude.
Back to my point earlier on it my blog about the constant signs we, ‘Britain’, seem not to be unable to function without, reminding us all not to be retards (I can use this word with a clear conscience because I have a doctors note saying I can). I was thinking about it and how did our Grandparents and Parents survive to old age, how did the human race not die out without the constant reminders ‘Take Care Coffee May Be Hot’, well if its not hot lady I am going to throw it at you, ‘Careful Floor May Be Wet’, how about telling me when it is wet, I couldn’t give a stuff if it ‘May Be’ wet. Stupid recorded messages on the train, ‘Please Take Care When Alighting From This Train’, no, I am going to attempt to fall under the train to get mangled because I haven’t the mental capacity to know how to miss the gap. Why can’t kids play outside with sticks and rubble, on average how many kids have died from a game of war or tig, I know there are dangers out there for them but has anyone thought to consider when they turn 18 and they are going to forget how to read and attempt to kill their major organs with alcohol? All the mollycoddling in the world will not save them from their early adult life and God forbid they want to make something of themselves and go to Uni, where vital organs such as the liver is deemed the enemy. Well I guess that some anal retentive loser who was probably bullied at school and wrapped in cotton wool by his parents and has never lived a fore-filled day in his life, has a job. So we shouldn’t really complain that we can’t order a hot drink, make it off a train without a reminder, walk down stairs without a warning, our kids can’t and will never be allowed out to play, we can never eat another bag of nuts without a reminder on the bag ‘This May Contain Nuts’ (no shit Sherlock), ‘Danger Men At Work’ what is till one about, stating it because it doesn’t happen very often because I would say that one is sexist. But hey folks, Norm that still lives with his parents gets paid £60K+ a year, and will never spend it but will be satisfied that no fun will be had by anyone. Does it make you feel better?
I am meeting the Man’s family tonight, his Dad, Sister and Aunty as it is his Aunties Birthday party in a club in Soho. I am nervous and I am hoping that the Monster keeps his little self quiet for a few hours. The problem with people is they usually love me or hate me, I have decided that there isn’t much room for middle ground where I am concerned so I am desperately hoping it veers more towards the love side. As Mogs will tell you, it is usually the first 15minutes that count the most with me and if they hate me in those I am screwed. Unfortunately I have a knack of sometimes making people (usually serious folk, jobs worth, uni grad failures, pretentious idiots) despise me on sight, I know it is a knack that few hold but I am definitely an owner. I think it is my inability to take the world too serious, I mean at the end of the day I am not going to change this world, probably won’t be remembered and unfortunately won’t rule it so why get arsey about it? I don’t have opinions that matter to many but I can argue till I am blue about nothing...another quality that few own he he he! Anyway I am nervous and I am hoping that it all goes smoothly.
The Man has just read something out to me that seems ridiculous, ‘more or less than 7 hours sleep a night can increase the risk of heart disease’. BLAAAHHHHHHHH! My God what are these nuts taking, too much time in a lab me thinks. It is a comforting thought that even if you keep out of trouble and rest well you might get Heart Disease. Did any of these bright scientists think that ‘Life’ increases your risk of Heart Disease, as does breathing no doubt. Also everything gives you cancer and if you listen to the Bible folk you are all screwed anyway cause you don’t believe. In other words folks we are all DOOMED! Why not find out something useful like a drug that when life or disease become unbearable you can take and hallucinate off somewhere serene to end your days in peace. Scientists are so determined to fill our lives with statistics that make you not want to carry on, I think they should all be permanently locked in their labs and never allowed to talk to the public. How about wizz kids find me a cure! Don’t think its asking too much, do something useful, no one really wants to know why they got something once they have it, they want you to make something to take it away.
The Man just found another article to back up my hate for Norm. Listen to this -
- Everyday the risk of you dying from accident or murder is 1 in 1000000
- Driving 60mph to an airport and your flying 2000 miles on the flight your more likely to die in your car
So Norm, 1 in 1000000 huh, can we let kids be kids now and play outside? Where are all your signs about driving huh, not adventurous enough to come up with some good’uns or is fuel too lucrative to the government huh?
You might be wondering why I write like I do, or think I am weird because of the way I write but I will explain, I have always written a diary and it has always been to ‘Elizabeth’. I still write to Elizabeth but since I had ‘Dear Elizabeth’ tattooed on my back I thought it was a statement enough and I now no longer have to address her in each entry. This of course does not mean she is not in every post I write, she will always be the inspiration and my guide through things. Call me crazy but she has been through everything with me, my confidant. I find myself talking like I do in here in my head, working things out, figuring it out, drawing wisdom from her. You could say that Jess is the one who likes a drink and gets into bother and Elizabeth makes sure she maintains wisdom, sensitivity, is slightly cautious and continues to look for knowledge. So you will be happy to hear there is another character in my blog, Jess, Monster, Geraldine, Sonny (leg brace, taken from Irobot) and Elizabeth. Who ever said their was something wrong with multiple personalities huh! Multiple Sclerosis, Multiple Personalities, they are all really the same...
All in all though, me and the gang are getting better every day, I will take Geraldine with me to work to be on the safe side but she is not that needed. As far as life goes with Monster, Geraldine, Sonny, Elizabeth and me, we are good.