I can't believe how uncomfortable that I have been today, my skeleton isn't playing nicely at all. It feels like my skeleton is pushing against my skin trying to force its way out. It has been happening over the past few days and getting a little worse every day. I know this is just another way of Monster pushing me, trying to get me to surrender. I know this was won't last forever and I know that I can get through this but I feel like I have entered into a test of wills, psychological torture. Not enough pain to focus everything that I have but enough discomfort to make it difficult to do anything. I will win this battle, I have to, I have a nephew and niece that I am dying to see.
I must sound like I whinge and complain all the time but something happened to me a few months ago that I never thought would, something that has changed everything about me and something that has changed the course of my entire life and I am still trying to muddle through it. Being positive, being strong and remembering that their are a lot of people a lot worse off, are all easy things to tell people but when every moment of your being is clouded with discomfort and pain it is hard to hear. I know their are people worse off but to be honest when is that not true? Even on our death beds their are still people worse off than us, we have no understanding of what cruelties other people inflict on each other but you know what biologically I think over the past few weeks I have had it pretty bad.
I am very conscience that I might sound terribly ungrateful and for that I am sorry, I don't mean to. As every day passes I feel a little better but I also have a little more realisation for what I have lost. I have no sensation left in my hands, feet and face, this means I can not feel anything, I have lost once of my senses, (sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch) I feel like I am playing poker with my senses and I have no choice of what I bet with next.