I think Monster has awoken an is now forcefully punishing me, he is kicking at my kidneys, ripping my spine and pulling at the back of my eyes. We had a relaxing morning and I felt a little bitty dodge and even went for a power nap to try and sort myself out, it kind of worked but Monster was soon back in force. We later went out to the Outlet stores to get some last bits and pieces. I walked a little bit and then had to go in Chorlton, I tell you that he is a blessing and a curse, I absolutely hate being in him but if I don't I wouldn't be able to do half the things I can now.
The Man got two pairs of Levis jeans so he is happy, I didn't buy anything, I think it is because I didn't feel too good but I also don't need anything so it all worked out for the best. I hate being in pain and I feel like I am a misery guts which gets me down a bit. I hope this holiday I haven't been a spoiler, I have been very conscience of being ill and being a grump. I have learnt that people can tell when I am ill by my eyes, and my facial expressions. I am waffling now because I am fadding so my apologies, I will go and leave you in peace, I might be back later.
Tuesday, 30 November 2010
Monday, 29 November 2010
Bye bye family
Today is the day that Neil, Jan, Mark and Jasmine fly back to Scotland, sad sad day. I really thought that they would be able to stay a couple of extra days because of the snow but unfortunately the airports are now open. It has been amazing though but it is sad when it all comes to an end. I thought I would add a photo of us all, it isn't often we are all together so I am loving these photos.
It has been an amazing holiday but I always get the dread when it is coming to an end. I miss my family being together because we are very close and being hundreds of miles apart it tough. We will be together again next August so I have something to aim for, no more Chorlton.
It is good in a way because I have something to look forward to when I get home, going back to work, I want more than anything to get back to work and get on with life and it is within reach now so I am very very excited. Over this time it made me wonder about what it would be like to be out of work, what I mean is not be able to work and I think I would go insane. I would have to do something to occupy myself because one of the most important sections of my life is my work. It did make me think about what I would like to do so I think I will have to put in place some plan, not planning for it happening just a sort of insurance if it did. Another project that will keep me busy I guess.
Oh I should mention that while I have been away I did my credit file on both Experian and Equifax which is something I have been dreading for the last 6/7 years. When I was with the 'Boy' (from the Introduction) it left me in so much debt I thought I would never crawl out of it. I am sure that this whole side of things didn't help me over the years. It turns out that because I have paid everything off, my credit rating is good, not perfect but good. I will spend the next two years building my score up so that I can buy a house, get a car...be a grown up.
Right I am going to go now but I will hopefully be back a bit later.
Loves
J xxxx
Sunday, 28 November 2010
Some Holiday Snaps
The Man and I on the flight
View from my window in Heathrow
Flying into Boston at about 5.30pm
Baby Harry cosy warm ready for a walk
The Man and I on a stroll round the Cranberry Bogs
Dinner at the BBC (British Beer Company)
Boston Skyline from the Prudential Centre's 50th floor
The Man, Chorlton and I in the Prudential CentreI will add some better ones later on I promise xxxx
Harry's Big Day
Harry's Christening today at 2pm so he is going to be dressed up cute in his glad rags and paraded in front of God. They asked me to be his God Mother so I am very excited about that. He is absolutely gorgeous and really makes me want one of my own, don't panic I am not going to. He is so good and is really really cute as well. I can't wait to meet Ben as well because they are only 18 days apart so they are the next generation of the terrible two.
We went to Boston yesterday to the Prudential Centre, which has a view station on the 50th floor so it is great to see Boston from that high up and we also did the Duck tour which was brilliant and we learnt a lot about Boston. I didn't have a great day feelings wise yesterday, I lost partial sight in both my eyes and they were really painful and being in the chair also causes a reasonable amount of pain in itself. I find it exhausting being in pain, especially when you can't kick back, stop and just turn the world off. I love being with everyone though and I really wish that I wasn't so ill, but I keep reminding myself that it won't last forever. I also get really stressed out in my chair because it is a hard experience constantly being at arse height to the world, peoples distance perception is totally different from you when your in the chair. When people are pushing you (which I am really grateful for) they tend to get a lot closer to people than you would normally, pushing you so close to people and their arse or crotch can make you feel incredibly uncomfortable. The problem with being in a chair is people are constantly doing their best for you and if you feel uncomfortable at all it is hard to tell them.
Anyway enough of my moaning I shall go wash and prepare to go and lie to God. Loves to all
J xxxxx
We went to Boston yesterday to the Prudential Centre, which has a view station on the 50th floor so it is great to see Boston from that high up and we also did the Duck tour which was brilliant and we learnt a lot about Boston. I didn't have a great day feelings wise yesterday, I lost partial sight in both my eyes and they were really painful and being in the chair also causes a reasonable amount of pain in itself. I find it exhausting being in pain, especially when you can't kick back, stop and just turn the world off. I love being with everyone though and I really wish that I wasn't so ill, but I keep reminding myself that it won't last forever. I also get really stressed out in my chair because it is a hard experience constantly being at arse height to the world, peoples distance perception is totally different from you when your in the chair. When people are pushing you (which I am really grateful for) they tend to get a lot closer to people than you would normally, pushing you so close to people and their arse or crotch can make you feel incredibly uncomfortable. The problem with being in a chair is people are constantly doing their best for you and if you feel uncomfortable at all it is hard to tell them.
Anyway enough of my moaning I shall go wash and prepare to go and lie to God. Loves to all
J xxxxx
Saturday, 27 November 2010
ipad
hey there, this is my first short post from The Man's iPad. We are off out to Boston today to do the duck tour, prudential centre and dinner so I will let you know how it goes. I will be in my chair which is a bit of a bummer. Yesterday we went shopping and I got 4 new dresses, 2 tops and a pair of boots, Neil and Jan bought me 2 dresses and 2 tops, oh and 2 perfumes. Yep I am a massive spoilt brat.
I'll try and post later.
I'll try and post later.
Thursday, 25 November 2010
Thanksgiving in Massachusetts
So today is the big day, we got up at 6am and left at 6.30 to drive to Boston to do the Thanksgiving Turkey Trot (5k run). I obviously don’t have my running/walking legs on at the moment so I was in Chorlton, which can I just say was a little like sitting still in a freezer. It was brilliant though, we had 11 out doing it and to make it even better it was for the MS Society (http://www.boston.com/yourtown/news/allston_brighton/2010/11/over_1300_expected_for_charity_1.html). It was $25 to enter so from our wee group we paid $275, so I am chuffed to bits that it goes to other people with MS. We couldn’t run it but we all walked in it, and it is such a brilliant thing to do on Thanksgiving, more than 1400 people took part in the one we did. All over America there are different Turkey Trot races for different charities which is amazing. Our race raised $70,000 this morning for people with MS.
So we are back at Andy and Donna’s and we will be having an obscene amount of food. Thanksgiving is a harvest festival that is sometimes known as Turkey Day, it always falls on the 4th Thursday of November. It is believed to have originally happened in 1621 in Plymouth, Massachusetts but there are thoughts that their were earlier Thanksgiving festivals by other settlers. It is an amazing time of year to come to America because it is such a family event, everyone is happy and it is amazingly patriotic which is lovely. I am very lucky to be able to come over every year, I love it.
I have been feeling dodgy ever since I got here but I am so happy to be here I am determined to enjoy every second I have here. My spine feels like it is un-popping all the time, it feels like my spine has a graze all the way down it, an open graze which feels raw whenever I move. I have been fighting this pain behind my eyes as well, it is a horrible pain and has been affecting my vision in both eyes lately. Along with my toilet problems and leg spasms, it has been an interesting few days. It has been amazing though, reguardless of my discomfort and pain I am right where I want to be, with my family and The Man.
Right I might be back later hopefully it is all depending on how much I eat and my ability to move my fingers, they might be so heavy after our meal you may only get nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Wednesday, 24 November 2010
First Day of My Holiday
Wow! The flight for me was tough for me but every second was worth it to get here. I started getting shocks in the airport and they got more and more frequent throughout the flight and got more severe, it was so bad that I actually thought I was going to cry a number of times. I couldn’t go to the toilet throughout the flight so I was in amazing amounts of pain. We got here though and I am in one piece which is the most important thing I guess. Mum, Dad and The Man took care of me all through the flight, so I am once again a very lucky girl.
Paul came to get us and drove us back from the airport, I really wanted to walk out to meet him but I was in so much pain that I stayed in my wheelchair. It was amazing seeing him, every time I see him it reminds me of how much I miss him. We got back to the house and everyone was here all ready, Neil, Jan, Mark and Jasmine had travelled in from New York where they had been for a couple of day’s. Marie, Harry, Andy, Donna and Emma we obviously here (cause they live here he he he!) we all sat round their big kitchen table and caught up. I was so tired and I had fought the pain all day which is exhausting so I didn’t last too long and I can’t booze so I headed off to bed about 10 o’clock their time ( 3am our time).
Everyone stayed up and drank until about 1/2am US time. The Man met the twins for the first time along with Andy, Donna, Marie, Emma and Harry (well it is a first for us all with Harry). Everyone really liked him, which I didn’t doubt at all, but it is a weight off my shoulders because it is important for everyone to get on.
Computer is going to die so I will log off just now but I will be back either later on or tomorrow.
Loves xxxxx
Paul came to get us and drove us back from the airport, I really wanted to walk out to meet him but I was in so much pain that I stayed in my wheelchair. It was amazing seeing him, every time I see him it reminds me of how much I miss him. We got back to the house and everyone was here all ready, Neil, Jan, Mark and Jasmine had travelled in from New York where they had been for a couple of day’s. Marie, Harry, Andy, Donna and Emma we obviously here (cause they live here he he he!) we all sat round their big kitchen table and caught up. I was so tired and I had fought the pain all day which is exhausting so I didn’t last too long and I can’t booze so I headed off to bed about 10 o’clock their time ( 3am our time).
Everyone stayed up and drank until about 1/2am US time. The Man met the twins for the first time along with Andy, Donna, Marie, Emma and Harry (well it is a first for us all with Harry). Everyone really liked him, which I didn’t doubt at all, but it is a weight off my shoulders because it is important for everyone to get on.
Computer is going to die so I will log off just now but I will be back either later on or tomorrow.
Loves xxxxx
Thousands of Miles High
I am up in the sky flying to Boston to seeing my whole family (minus little Ben, unfortunately). I am very excited if not a little sore, the whole adventure so far has been good but Monster is a little nervous about it all so has been playing up. We got up about 8 o’clock and finished off, I finished cutting The Man’s hair, made the boys sandwiches for lunch and did a little more packing. It was an amazing, stress free morning, everyone was in high spirits and we were out the door dead on 9.30am. We took the scenic route which was lovely, through the Meon Valley, it is amazing up there, I dream of owning a little cottage with a thatched roof. We got to the airport in good time and the boys dropped me and Mum off at the airport before going and parking the car.
It is funny that when you are in a wheelchair people either completely ignore you or are overly nice. When we went to check in I found that the lady behind the desk didn’t look at me once and even when she was speaking about me she couldn’t make eye contact at all. It is a horrible feeling when you are sitting there and people are that weird with you, being in a wheelchair strips you of your identity, you become an object. She spoke to The Man and my folks when she was telling me that I had to go over to the Information Desk, it was as if I was completely invisible. Weird but I guess this is something I will have to work on.
Hi Jess, Just a little note to say I’m loving this whole experience of being with you. Travelling together is just fantastic and I can’t wait to share many more adventures with you xxxx All my Love, The Man x
I just switched the computer on and found this little message so I am going to leave it here, just so you can see how lovely The Man is.
It is funny that when you are in a wheelchair people either completely ignore you or are overly nice. When we went to check in I found that the lady behind the desk didn’t look at me once and even when she was speaking about me she couldn’t make eye contact at all. It is a horrible feeling when you are sitting there and people are that weird with you, being in a wheelchair strips you of your identity, you become an object. She spoke to The Man and my folks when she was telling me that I had to go over to the Information Desk, it was as if I was completely invisible. Weird but I guess this is something I will have to work on.
Hi Jess, Just a little note to say I’m loving this whole experience of being with you. Travelling together is just fantastic and I can’t wait to share many more adventures with you xxxx All my Love, The Man x
I just switched the computer on and found this little message so I am going to leave it here, just so you can see how lovely The Man is.
Monday, 22 November 2010
I got 24 hours to go..I got 24 hours to go
Yep folks 24 hours until I am in the sky flying to Boston to see my family. It is funny that we are all going to be there, Mum, Dad, 3 Bruvs, 2 Sis in laws, 1 niece and 1 nephew, unfortunately we are one nephew down as he is just too small to fly at the moment. I am so excited and we will take lots of pictures and keep the memories for little Ben and as soon as he is big enough hopefully he will be able to join us as well. I can't wait to see little Harry and Jazzy, obviously everyone else is as well.
We have been busy today getting ready, sending parcels off, last minute shopping and packing. Mum is in good spirits today but that could all change you know, as soon as she gets into cleaning mode we all might have to duck for cover. This maybe where the boys run and leave me to deal with her wrath, and I promise it ain't pretty. We are nearly done. The reason I am writing a short post here is I might not get the opportunity to do it later so it isn't going to be ground moving but it will be something at least.
I got a surprise the other day when my beautiful friends Cassius and Daisy sent me the Audio Book by Stephen Fry, 'Moab is my Washpot'. I am just ripping it onto my computer so I can take it away with me. Throughout this time of being unwell people have been so good to me, I have had card, gifts, flowers and I feel completely spoilt. I have also decided that although this whole experience hasn't been too much fun for me it has brought me closer to people and shown me that people really do care. I guess it is true that everything happens for a reason, well this lesson has been a tough one but definitely learnt a lot.
Right going to go and pack but I will try to update you later xxx
We have been busy today getting ready, sending parcels off, last minute shopping and packing. Mum is in good spirits today but that could all change you know, as soon as she gets into cleaning mode we all might have to duck for cover. This maybe where the boys run and leave me to deal with her wrath, and I promise it ain't pretty. We are nearly done. The reason I am writing a short post here is I might not get the opportunity to do it later so it isn't going to be ground moving but it will be something at least.
I got a surprise the other day when my beautiful friends Cassius and Daisy sent me the Audio Book by Stephen Fry, 'Moab is my Washpot'. I am just ripping it onto my computer so I can take it away with me. Throughout this time of being unwell people have been so good to me, I have had card, gifts, flowers and I feel completely spoilt. I have also decided that although this whole experience hasn't been too much fun for me it has brought me closer to people and shown me that people really do care. I guess it is true that everything happens for a reason, well this lesson has been a tough one but definitely learnt a lot.
Right going to go and pack but I will try to update you later xxx
Sunday, 21 November 2010
2 for 1
So last night our friend Sharon came to see us in 'posh Gosport' as she calls it, which was really nice. She is my Mum and Dad's friend but I used to write to her when she was on a sailing trip. It was lovely to see her but I have to admit I chose a really, really bad film to watch, it was 'Nine' with the star cast Nicole Kidman, Penelope Cruz, Kate Hudson, Daniel Day-Lewis and many more. The film proved to me, it doesn't matter if you fill the film with famous people, if the story is rubbish, even famous people can't save it. So if you are thinking of watching it, don't, it is s with a hit (thats 'shit' if you didn't get it).
Today has been a brilliant day again, we got up, wrapped so Crimbo pressies and then headed into town. I had a few errands to run (not actually run, because I think we are all aware that not something I do at the moment), I had a parcel to post abroad and I found out it was going to cost me £61, yes I nearly choked as well so I have rethought this and will be sending them in different packages. I also wanted to get some new under wear for my holiday (I know you probably don’t want to hear this but....um.....tough he he he!). I got some without too much fuss and I walked from the town up to the end of the High Street it is not far but the furthest I have been in the last 8 weeks I think. I am very proud.
We got to the top of the High Street and sat on a bench for a while, as we sat we got talking to this lady, she was late 40’s early 50’s. She was a big women who smoked and as we spoke we learned she had poor health and had spent the last 3 months in jail. She was friendly and talkative, I felt sorry for her because she seemed as if she was craving someone to speak to, she seemed lonely. She explained that she had been charged for defrauding the NHS, she had been addicted to pain killers, Coproxamal. She had registered at lots of different doctors surgery’s and had many different doctors prescribe her the pills. It was sad listening to her as she knew what she did was wrong but she was addicted and got herself into a situation that she couldn’t control, she had an addiction and needed help. It did teach her some things though, this whole experience and she said she would never do anything like this again.
Sorry this is two days worth of blogging in one post. It is hard for me to blog when my head and eyes hurt but it doesn’t last too long so I as soon as I can I blog. I have had quite an intense pain behind my eyes over the last few days and the vision in both my eyes has worsened a little. I know that the Optic Neuritis affected the site in my right eye but I have been a bit worried about my left eye, I need that one to stay strong for me. The problem with damage to the Optic Nerve is once it is damaged there is nothing you can do, so it is important for me to protect my eyes at all cost. I have all round been feeling okay though, still getting shocks but nothing like I was getting, my leg is still very shakey (spasming a lot) it gets worse when I am sitting for long periods without getting up and moving around. I still have this pain in the back of my neck which makes me feel sick probably a couple of times again but it isn’t as bad as it has been, so I am thankful for that. I can walk further than I have been able to do for ages but I have to still be very careful not to over do it because I can induce horrendous amounts of pain by being too brave/silly.
I have had a couple of lovely days with The Man, and my folks. I have decided I want to move somewhere with a Granny flat attached to it so that my Mum and Dad can live in the main house and The Man and I can live in the Granny flat. I love living with my folks and if I could change the location of their house and move it a little closer to London I would. I don’t remember how it happened by one day I woke up and found that the people I most want to spend time with are my Parents, I know this might sound weird to some people out there but I love mine so much and I have such a laugh when I am with them, we like the same things, food, TV shows, interests, books all sorts. I would love to live close enough to them that I could pop in for a cuppa after work. Anyway this is just a dream because unfortunately we don’t live this close to each other so for every minute I have left with them before I move back into my life in London, I am going to enjoy. Love you Mum and Dad xxxx
There appears to be a lot wrong with the world at the moment and I would love to fix it but I think I am going to have to fix myself first. I learnt about the Austrian education today from The Man’s Dad, and I think they have got it a little more right than we do in this country. Before I start I should explain that I ranted last week about University students, I think I might of sounded like I hated them but I don’t, I just have some concerns which I am just about to tell you about. So, we go to school and are given no real idea about life after school, no skills are given to us to survive on the outside, in the real world. We are cushioned away from the harsh realities that follow and I think this is a strange way of treating the young. In Austria there are different schools that children can go to, they specialise in different career choices but do offer the choice of completing A levels (their equivalent) and going to university. Some of these schools offer training in Hospitality and Management, Business and Finance, Sports and Agriculture, this gives children a direction without forcing them to go to university to find direction in life. I am not against universities at all and I respect people who go to university but I do feel bad that sometimes the promise of a great job is unrealistic because they are not skilled in anything.
Right must go, need to sleep but I will continue tomorrow.
Loves for now xxxxx
Today has been a brilliant day again, we got up, wrapped so Crimbo pressies and then headed into town. I had a few errands to run (not actually run, because I think we are all aware that not something I do at the moment), I had a parcel to post abroad and I found out it was going to cost me £61, yes I nearly choked as well so I have rethought this and will be sending them in different packages. I also wanted to get some new under wear for my holiday (I know you probably don’t want to hear this but....um.....tough he he he!). I got some without too much fuss and I walked from the town up to the end of the High Street it is not far but the furthest I have been in the last 8 weeks I think. I am very proud.
We got to the top of the High Street and sat on a bench for a while, as we sat we got talking to this lady, she was late 40’s early 50’s. She was a big women who smoked and as we spoke we learned she had poor health and had spent the last 3 months in jail. She was friendly and talkative, I felt sorry for her because she seemed as if she was craving someone to speak to, she seemed lonely. She explained that she had been charged for defrauding the NHS, she had been addicted to pain killers, Coproxamal. She had registered at lots of different doctors surgery’s and had many different doctors prescribe her the pills. It was sad listening to her as she knew what she did was wrong but she was addicted and got herself into a situation that she couldn’t control, she had an addiction and needed help. It did teach her some things though, this whole experience and she said she would never do anything like this again.
Sorry this is two days worth of blogging in one post. It is hard for me to blog when my head and eyes hurt but it doesn’t last too long so I as soon as I can I blog. I have had quite an intense pain behind my eyes over the last few days and the vision in both my eyes has worsened a little. I know that the Optic Neuritis affected the site in my right eye but I have been a bit worried about my left eye, I need that one to stay strong for me. The problem with damage to the Optic Nerve is once it is damaged there is nothing you can do, so it is important for me to protect my eyes at all cost. I have all round been feeling okay though, still getting shocks but nothing like I was getting, my leg is still very shakey (spasming a lot) it gets worse when I am sitting for long periods without getting up and moving around. I still have this pain in the back of my neck which makes me feel sick probably a couple of times again but it isn’t as bad as it has been, so I am thankful for that. I can walk further than I have been able to do for ages but I have to still be very careful not to over do it because I can induce horrendous amounts of pain by being too brave/silly.
I have had a couple of lovely days with The Man, and my folks. I have decided I want to move somewhere with a Granny flat attached to it so that my Mum and Dad can live in the main house and The Man and I can live in the Granny flat. I love living with my folks and if I could change the location of their house and move it a little closer to London I would. I don’t remember how it happened by one day I woke up and found that the people I most want to spend time with are my Parents, I know this might sound weird to some people out there but I love mine so much and I have such a laugh when I am with them, we like the same things, food, TV shows, interests, books all sorts. I would love to live close enough to them that I could pop in for a cuppa after work. Anyway this is just a dream because unfortunately we don’t live this close to each other so for every minute I have left with them before I move back into my life in London, I am going to enjoy. Love you Mum and Dad xxxx
There appears to be a lot wrong with the world at the moment and I would love to fix it but I think I am going to have to fix myself first. I learnt about the Austrian education today from The Man’s Dad, and I think they have got it a little more right than we do in this country. Before I start I should explain that I ranted last week about University students, I think I might of sounded like I hated them but I don’t, I just have some concerns which I am just about to tell you about. So, we go to school and are given no real idea about life after school, no skills are given to us to survive on the outside, in the real world. We are cushioned away from the harsh realities that follow and I think this is a strange way of treating the young. In Austria there are different schools that children can go to, they specialise in different career choices but do offer the choice of completing A levels (their equivalent) and going to university. Some of these schools offer training in Hospitality and Management, Business and Finance, Sports and Agriculture, this gives children a direction without forcing them to go to university to find direction in life. I am not against universities at all and I respect people who go to university but I do feel bad that sometimes the promise of a great job is unrealistic because they are not skilled in anything.
Right must go, need to sleep but I will continue tomorrow.
Loves for now xxxxx
Friday, 19 November 2010
Free from a tubber ware box
So I survived, I did not end up in a tubber ware box, thank goodness. The Mum was well behaved today and actually quite fun to be stuck in close quarters with. I actually just limped about after her all day saying 'what shall I do now', think it focused her on giving me some orders so all round the day was a success. I actually had fun today because it gave me new things to do and I walked around the house way more than usual, and even went out into the garden, unaided, check that out folks, I achieved.
I must say that although I have been more mobile today and feeling better in myself (mentally more positive) my right eye has been quite painful and my spine feels like it is un-popping. It feels like my spine has poppers down in each side and they come undone one by one. It is another uncomfortable reminder that the Monster is still with me. All in all though it has been a good day, I have been kept smiling all day but the lovely flowers. I am going to call it a night here because I can feel my brain shutting down.
Loves for now xxxx
I must say that although I have been more mobile today and feeling better in myself (mentally more positive) my right eye has been quite painful and my spine feels like it is un-popping. It feels like my spine has poppers down in each side and they come undone one by one. It is another uncomfortable reminder that the Monster is still with me. All in all though it has been a good day, I have been kept smiling all day but the lovely flowers. I am going to call it a night here because I can feel my brain shutting down.
Loves for now xxxx
Crazy lucid dreams
Every night I have such crazy lucid dreams it is mental. I have enough inspiration through the night to write a book. I think it is because I once again have problems sleeping and I seem to only reach the REM (rapid eye movement) part of sleep, this is the part of sleep where you dream loads and your mind is really active. I used to be bad at sleeping (don't laugh, and yes I even got that wrong too), I only ever got to the REM part of sleep and never the next stage where your body rejuvenates. Anyway I am not that bad anymore but I do find I dream a lot and I don't ever feel that rested, but I am sure this will pass.
I am helping my Mum today, to say she has OCD isn't even touching the extent of her cleaning drills. We leave for Boston on Tuesday and she is going to completely gut the house from top to bottom. I just try and understand the bits I can help with (mostly moving my stuff) she is the bossiest person in the world but she forgets to give orders, if that makes sense. It is like a guessing game of how you can help and there is an 80% chance you will get it wrong. Dad and I usually hide out the house for the days running up to holiday, but with my mobility problems at the moment there is no escape. Wish me luck, I will update you later, hopefully, if I haven't ended up in a tubber ware box in the loft. I should also mention here Dad did escape before I woke this morning, so much for never leaving a man down huh!
Oooh, just before I go, I got an amazing surprise this morning, I got a lovely bunch of flowers and some chocolates from another department at work. They work in another office but we do work closely and help each other out a lot. I think at times we have been the but of each others frustration but we have grown together and now work well as a team. They have brightened up my day, and I can't thank them enough. I have pasted them my blog details so maybe some of them will even come on board and read my crazy ramblings.
Loves for now, I will be back later xxxxxxx
I am helping my Mum today, to say she has OCD isn't even touching the extent of her cleaning drills. We leave for Boston on Tuesday and she is going to completely gut the house from top to bottom. I just try and understand the bits I can help with (mostly moving my stuff) she is the bossiest person in the world but she forgets to give orders, if that makes sense. It is like a guessing game of how you can help and there is an 80% chance you will get it wrong. Dad and I usually hide out the house for the days running up to holiday, but with my mobility problems at the moment there is no escape. Wish me luck, I will update you later, hopefully, if I haven't ended up in a tubber ware box in the loft. I should also mention here Dad did escape before I woke this morning, so much for never leaving a man down huh!
Oooh, just before I go, I got an amazing surprise this morning, I got a lovely bunch of flowers and some chocolates from another department at work. They work in another office but we do work closely and help each other out a lot. I think at times we have been the but of each others frustration but we have grown together and now work well as a team. They have brightened up my day, and I can't thank them enough. I have pasted them my blog details so maybe some of them will even come on board and read my crazy ramblings.
Loves for now, I will be back later xxxxxxx
Thursday, 18 November 2010
Bang
I have been sitting here thinking (yep I know always a dangerous activity) and a stupid Wood Pigeon just flew into the window. My parents have a big window and the silly birds don't see it and hit into it with an emense amount of force, I am suprised they can fly away. The garden is lovely to look out at and when it is foggy all you can hear is the eery sounds of ships fog horns. As for a recovery retreat I would definitely recommend it. The rose I have been staring out at has whithered now, she hangs lifelessly down near the ground now.
Ages ago I mentioned my Ex, G had been in touch with my brother and wanted to get in touch with my parents and I had sent him a shitty email on Facebook telling him to stop trying to 'ooze' back into their lives. Well I was wrong, I was upset about my diagnosis, Skelly's death and being so ill and I lashed out. It was 2 months ago but it has been eating me up inside so I emailed him and apologised. I hate knowing I was in the wrong and I truely believe that if you know your wrong you should say you are wrong. Anyway I don't want to be back in touch with him although I wish him and his wife all the best. It might sound silly having the need to apologise but just something I have to do, so all done, got nice email back so that is all past now.
My Nanna is ok, she has to go back to the hospital as an out patient, for some more tests but she is home in her own house and happier. She is a true role model and so is my Grampy, we are such a lucky family to have two such amazing people leading us. I think their strength has led us all, given us someone to look up to and taught us how to respect other people. Grampy is an amazing man, he fought in the Second World War and has so much honour it is often humbling to be in his company. Not only are my Nanny and Grampy amazing role models they are also the kindest people you could ever hope to know, they are well loved by everyone who meets them and I am honoured to be their Granddaughter.
Thinking about the Second World War I bought the album by 'The Soldiers' (http://www.the-soldiers.co.uk/home.htm) it is amazing, there are three of them and they are real soldiers, Sergeant Major Gary Chilton, Sergeant Richie Maddocks and Lance Corporal Ryan Idzi. They are brilliant, they do a song 'Great British Hero' and it is amazing, I wish everyone could hear and take a minute to remember our brave men and women out in God awful places such as Afganistan, Iraq, Northern Ireland and anywhere our country decides to send them. Whether people agree with the reasons behind them being there, we should all stand together and recognise there bravery, and show thanks for the sacrifices they make. I am a massive fan of Men and Women in the armed forces as you will have probably guessed, they amaze me on a daily basis and they all get a lot of respect from me.
I have exciting news for you all, we broke the 3000 page view mark yesterday and today we have nearly done 3100, this is amazing and I thank you all for reading. I am sure that you all probably ask yourself why you bother reading my ramblings but I thank you all for doing so. Every single one of you have helped me through this time, whether we know each other or not, know that your important to me and I hope that you will keep reading on, cause I am not out of the woods yet and I think this is going to be an on going recovery and I know this blog will be an on going events as well.
I should actually tell you how I am feeling today, ummmm...well, my skeleton is still trying to find a way out. The worst part of falling out with your skeleton is it hurts when it decides to attempt an escape mission. I need to continually click my fingers at the moment, now I know you will all think 'shouldn't do that, it will give you arthritis' but you can be secure in the knowledge that I looked it up (because I don't need any more problems) and there is no evidence to support this theory at all. My fingers hurt if I do not relieve them with some little clicks now and then. I have been getting a pain behind my right eye (same eye I had optic neuritis http://www.mssociety.org.uk/about_ms/symptoms/vision/optic_neuritis.html), I have never fully recovered from when I had optic neturitis and I will never have full sight out of my right eye and because of the damage to the optic nerve glasses can not correct my vision. I find that in the extreme cold my sight in my right eye worsens. It is annoying having this pain but it will go away I am sure, just another wee reminder that the Monster is still here.
I thought I would add some more photos of me because I took some more yesterday and today and I am happy to say being so self obsessed is making me more and more excited about the new turn of events, pain reducing, walking improving and everything getting closer to me being able to go back to work :) gettting closer to get back to my life and work. Ah you might have been saved, it won't let me upload my ugly mug....
Ages ago I mentioned my Ex, G had been in touch with my brother and wanted to get in touch with my parents and I had sent him a shitty email on Facebook telling him to stop trying to 'ooze' back into their lives. Well I was wrong, I was upset about my diagnosis, Skelly's death and being so ill and I lashed out. It was 2 months ago but it has been eating me up inside so I emailed him and apologised. I hate knowing I was in the wrong and I truely believe that if you know your wrong you should say you are wrong. Anyway I don't want to be back in touch with him although I wish him and his wife all the best. It might sound silly having the need to apologise but just something I have to do, so all done, got nice email back so that is all past now.
My Nanna is ok, she has to go back to the hospital as an out patient, for some more tests but she is home in her own house and happier. She is a true role model and so is my Grampy, we are such a lucky family to have two such amazing people leading us. I think their strength has led us all, given us someone to look up to and taught us how to respect other people. Grampy is an amazing man, he fought in the Second World War and has so much honour it is often humbling to be in his company. Not only are my Nanny and Grampy amazing role models they are also the kindest people you could ever hope to know, they are well loved by everyone who meets them and I am honoured to be their Granddaughter.
Thinking about the Second World War I bought the album by 'The Soldiers' (http://www.the-soldiers.co.uk/home.htm) it is amazing, there are three of them and they are real soldiers, Sergeant Major Gary Chilton, Sergeant Richie Maddocks and Lance Corporal Ryan Idzi. They are brilliant, they do a song 'Great British Hero' and it is amazing, I wish everyone could hear and take a minute to remember our brave men and women out in God awful places such as Afganistan, Iraq, Northern Ireland and anywhere our country decides to send them. Whether people agree with the reasons behind them being there, we should all stand together and recognise there bravery, and show thanks for the sacrifices they make. I am a massive fan of Men and Women in the armed forces as you will have probably guessed, they amaze me on a daily basis and they all get a lot of respect from me.
I have exciting news for you all, we broke the 3000 page view mark yesterday and today we have nearly done 3100, this is amazing and I thank you all for reading. I am sure that you all probably ask yourself why you bother reading my ramblings but I thank you all for doing so. Every single one of you have helped me through this time, whether we know each other or not, know that your important to me and I hope that you will keep reading on, cause I am not out of the woods yet and I think this is going to be an on going recovery and I know this blog will be an on going events as well.
I should actually tell you how I am feeling today, ummmm...well, my skeleton is still trying to find a way out. The worst part of falling out with your skeleton is it hurts when it decides to attempt an escape mission. I need to continually click my fingers at the moment, now I know you will all think 'shouldn't do that, it will give you arthritis' but you can be secure in the knowledge that I looked it up (because I don't need any more problems) and there is no evidence to support this theory at all. My fingers hurt if I do not relieve them with some little clicks now and then. I have been getting a pain behind my right eye (same eye I had optic neuritis http://www.mssociety.org.uk/about_ms/symptoms/vision/optic_neuritis.html), I have never fully recovered from when I had optic neturitis and I will never have full sight out of my right eye and because of the damage to the optic nerve glasses can not correct my vision. I find that in the extreme cold my sight in my right eye worsens. It is annoying having this pain but it will go away I am sure, just another wee reminder that the Monster is still here.
I thought I would add some more photos of me because I took some more yesterday and today and I am happy to say being so self obsessed is making me more and more excited about the new turn of events, pain reducing, walking improving and everything getting closer to me being able to go back to work :) gettting closer to get back to my life and work. Ah you might have been saved, it won't let me upload my ugly mug....
Early Bird
Good Morning, I couldn't sleep last night, my Nanny is in hospital and I kept thinking about her. She will be fine, she just needs the doctors to make sure that she is ok. I was thinking about when I was a wee girl and all the times my Nanny and Grampy (Grandparents) were there for us. She is whats remains of 'the true lady', she is always dressed imaculately and her house is always spotless. I have never called her by her first name, she has always been Nanny (last name), not that I think she would have ever batted an eyelid if we had used her first name, it just always seemed more appropriate addressing her properly. She taught me how to knit when I was about 7, I remember the day so clearly. She is the greatest role model you could ever wish for and although she is now 85 none of her elegance or grace has left her. Fingers crossed she will be ok and I will go and see her later on. She is in my thoughts and I am sending all the love I can muster out to her today because I know this trip to hospital will be a little upsetting for her.
I was also thinking that I need to explain that I am going on holiday on Tuesday so this will test the dedication of readers, it will test my writing skills to the limits but I promise I will be writing when I am away. This is more than a commitment to me it is a source of therapy which I have mentioned before, I don't think I can go without writing it would be too hard. I am nervous about the travelling and the time difference, I have come so far I really don't want to cause myself any kind of set back at all. The actual travelling is a worry to me because it means being confined for a long period of time but hopefully I will sleep through, I usually get myself so excited I fall asleep on the plane, add in some nerves and I am hoping I will be exhausted.
This holiday will be the first time The Man has met my twin brothers, the terrible two. They are lovely but I am hoping that they will all get on, my eldest brother and sister in law both got on with him and he is an amazing man so I really don't think there will be any problems at all. The whole family (unfortunately minus little Ben) will be there, which is a rare occasion, we are so spread out that getting together doesn't happen as often as anyone would like. P and M have sent out an Itinery which is hysterical, they are so organised, I will tell you some off it.
Tuesday - Travel arrive, chill out
Wednesday - Slow morning, Cape Cod possibly a museum, Bar for drinks
Thursday - Turkey Trot (5K run which I will be doing in my wheelchair, its for MS Society), Thanksgiving
Friday - Black Friday Shopping, Plymouth Rock and Fooseball Championship
Saturday - Boston Duck Tour, Dinner and Comedy Night
Sunday - Christening, Habachi Grill Meal
Monday - Unknown
So they have it incredibly well organised, actually they even have the meals and times on the itinery. So my point to all this was to assure you all that I will be writing so please don't give up on me, if it is not everyday it will be every couple of days I promise.
I was also thinking that I need to explain that I am going on holiday on Tuesday so this will test the dedication of readers, it will test my writing skills to the limits but I promise I will be writing when I am away. This is more than a commitment to me it is a source of therapy which I have mentioned before, I don't think I can go without writing it would be too hard. I am nervous about the travelling and the time difference, I have come so far I really don't want to cause myself any kind of set back at all. The actual travelling is a worry to me because it means being confined for a long period of time but hopefully I will sleep through, I usually get myself so excited I fall asleep on the plane, add in some nerves and I am hoping I will be exhausted.
This holiday will be the first time The Man has met my twin brothers, the terrible two. They are lovely but I am hoping that they will all get on, my eldest brother and sister in law both got on with him and he is an amazing man so I really don't think there will be any problems at all. The whole family (unfortunately minus little Ben) will be there, which is a rare occasion, we are so spread out that getting together doesn't happen as often as anyone would like. P and M have sent out an Itinery which is hysterical, they are so organised, I will tell you some off it.
Tuesday - Travel arrive, chill out
Wednesday - Slow morning, Cape Cod possibly a museum, Bar for drinks
Thursday - Turkey Trot (5K run which I will be doing in my wheelchair, its for MS Society), Thanksgiving
Friday - Black Friday Shopping, Plymouth Rock and Fooseball Championship
Saturday - Boston Duck Tour, Dinner and Comedy Night
Sunday - Christening, Habachi Grill Meal
Monday - Unknown
So they have it incredibly well organised, actually they even have the meals and times on the itinery. So my point to all this was to assure you all that I will be writing so please don't give up on me, if it is not everyday it will be every couple of days I promise.
Wednesday, 17 November 2010
'Hello', I think I am in here
The man made a good point to me last night, that I might feel so lost but that really doesn't mean I am because I managed to write all those things last night. I feel in a deep hole that I can't seem to crawl out of but maybe I am attempting to do this all wrong, I am a person now, it might be different from who I was when all this started but was that person really that great? Maybe the person I am right now is the person I will grow into and maybe that isn't such a terrible thing. I am moarning the person I was but I have to admit that she wasn't that great. By this point I am guessing you all think I am completely mental and that I sound like I have some mental issues but I promise you that I don't. I can't say I am not a bit mental but I am not headed to the looney bin. This is mentally trying and in a way I am trying my hardest right now to make sure that the person that emerges from this experience isn't bitter or angry in anyway.
I have added some links on the right hand side, one is by my friend Rich, you should have a read because I am convinced that he will be our leader at some point. We have worked together for the past 5 years and he is a good friend. His blog is interesting and I am sure it is going to get better and better. I have added some other links that I like, check them out also if anyone has any links they would like to add or look at just let me know what they are and I will do.
Right going to go for now but I will be back soon xxxx
I have added some links on the right hand side, one is by my friend Rich, you should have a read because I am convinced that he will be our leader at some point. We have worked together for the past 5 years and he is a good friend. His blog is interesting and I am sure it is going to get better and better. I have added some other links that I like, check them out also if anyone has any links they would like to add or look at just let me know what they are and I will do.
Right going to go for now but I will be back soon xxxx
Tuesday, 16 November 2010
Finding myself
Like I said earlier I need to find myself again and also learn about the new me. I tried to explain to The Man last night how lost I had been feeling, how everyday this goes on the more I feel removed from the person I was when all of this began. I got ill before when I was 19 until I was 22 and the recovery process I had to go through then was difficult and long. When I was ill before it was a horrible experience, I had an abusive partner and I lost all ability to walk, talk or think, I was not only locked in my body I was locked in a flat away from anyone who cared for me. I lost myself and completely gave up, the only reason I am alive today is my parents rescued me from Scotland when they found me in hospital. I took the drugs the doctor gave me and it made my life even more unbearable, numbing out the pain and abuse meant I stayed longer than I should have, unable to get myself out of the situation.
I tried to explain that it is sometimes difficult to focus on 'getting better and back to normal' because I can't remember what it feels like to be well. It is like aiming to be a famous footballer your whole life but in the process forgetting what football is. It is hard to focus on a target that you can see and can't even imagine anymore. So this appears to be a new challenge and I am willing to take it, I am willing to focus on this and by going through this process I hope to improve myself in ways that I could never have done if I did not have MS, therefore I have decided that MS can not be all that bad.
The Man also told me last night that he had past the Blog address onto his Mum, I have not met her yet but I am looking forward to meeting her hopefully soon. It got me thinking about what it would be like to know everything about someone without meeting them, I guess some people who read this are in that situation and I can't thank those people enough for taking the time to read my ramblings. I think one thing I should mention is I find this Blog the best form of therapy through this time and I hope that it gives an insight into what MS is really like. I know that there are spelling mistakes, my grammar is pretty bad and sometimes I think quicker than I can type and miss things out but I am not a professional writer and you are all the audience of my diary, if it too thought out, corrected and edited it won't be what it meant for and that is my brain dumps.
I mentioned yesterday that I thought I was playing a game of poker with my senses, well I actually feel that everything I have is at stake in this weird game I have found myself playing. I am worried about the odds but I am going to try and out smart my opponent. I thought I would set myself some challenges to make this more exciting, now you are going to think I am totally mental but I was thinking about setting myself the first challenge of swimming from Gosport to the Isle of Wight, don't worry I am not going to go down tomorrow and dive in but what I am going to do is teach myself to swim the distance in the pool and then one day I might be able to actually do it. I have discovered that it is 8km over, that is 8000 meters which is 400 lengths of a 20meter pool. So when I am well I can do 100 lengths in an hour (it definitely tires me out) so I reckon the better I get the fitter I get again I might be able to reduce it down to 100 lengths in 30 minutes meaning I could do the crossing in about 2/2.5 hours.
I thought that I could put down some things I would like to do (realistic or not, don't laugh)
Love to you all xxxx
I tried to explain that it is sometimes difficult to focus on 'getting better and back to normal' because I can't remember what it feels like to be well. It is like aiming to be a famous footballer your whole life but in the process forgetting what football is. It is hard to focus on a target that you can see and can't even imagine anymore. So this appears to be a new challenge and I am willing to take it, I am willing to focus on this and by going through this process I hope to improve myself in ways that I could never have done if I did not have MS, therefore I have decided that MS can not be all that bad.
The Man also told me last night that he had past the Blog address onto his Mum, I have not met her yet but I am looking forward to meeting her hopefully soon. It got me thinking about what it would be like to know everything about someone without meeting them, I guess some people who read this are in that situation and I can't thank those people enough for taking the time to read my ramblings. I think one thing I should mention is I find this Blog the best form of therapy through this time and I hope that it gives an insight into what MS is really like. I know that there are spelling mistakes, my grammar is pretty bad and sometimes I think quicker than I can type and miss things out but I am not a professional writer and you are all the audience of my diary, if it too thought out, corrected and edited it won't be what it meant for and that is my brain dumps.
I mentioned yesterday that I thought I was playing a game of poker with my senses, well I actually feel that everything I have is at stake in this weird game I have found myself playing. I am worried about the odds but I am going to try and out smart my opponent. I thought I would set myself some challenges to make this more exciting, now you are going to think I am totally mental but I was thinking about setting myself the first challenge of swimming from Gosport to the Isle of Wight, don't worry I am not going to go down tomorrow and dive in but what I am going to do is teach myself to swim the distance in the pool and then one day I might be able to actually do it. I have discovered that it is 8km over, that is 8000 meters which is 400 lengths of a 20meter pool. So when I am well I can do 100 lengths in an hour (it definitely tires me out) so I reckon the better I get the fitter I get again I might be able to reduce it down to 100 lengths in 30 minutes meaning I could do the crossing in about 2/2.5 hours.
I thought that I could put down some things I would like to do (realistic or not, don't laugh)
- Swim from Gosport to the Isle of Wight
- Zip line over a canyon
- Free fall again somewhere different
- Learn to Suba dive
- Swim the English channel (I know, I know it is 34km meaning it is 1700 lengths of the pool)
- Write a book about all my random adventures
Love to you all xxxx
"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly."
I feel like this might be my reality ("What the caterpillar calls the end of the world, the Master calls a butterfly."), what seems like the end of the world to me just now might very well be the beginning of a new and beautiful faze in my life, and for that I should be grateful. This experience has changed me, it has made me realise what is the most important things to me in my life -
Family
The Man
Friends
Work
Travelling
Experiencing new things
Making a difference
For the first time in ages I have taken some pictures of myself, I hate my photo being taken but I also needed to remind myself who I am. I thought I would try and note down some things that I believe make me, me.
Jess - I like to socialise
I like to meet new people
I love dogs and other animals
I'm not a big meat fan
I don't like coriander or grapefruit
I have been to Hong Kong, Austria, Menorca, Majorca, Paris, Germany, Italy, Switzerland, Czech Republic, Norway, Lanzarote, Belgium, Holland, America (Florida, Massachusetts, Ohio, Niagara Falls US side) and Bulgaria, I hope to see much more of the world
I love to knit and make things
I love to write
I try to do something for charity every year
I don't like being stressy, craving things I can't afford
I try to be as real and honest as I can
People are important to me, I like to learn about other cultures and religions
I try not to be judgemental(everyone is a little bit judgemental so don't fib to yourself)
I try to make eye contact with homeless people and if I have any money I try to give them some
It is important to me that I improve with every year I have
I am not religious my self but I believe, just have to discover in what
I would die for my family, they are the most important people in my life and every single one of them make me a better person in one way or another.
The Man (if you hadn't guest) is equally important to me and I am excited about the future
Mogs is my best friend, she has been with me since I was wee and knows me better than any other human being, she is as important to me as family
I love bright red lipstick, it is cheeky, gothic and obnoxious
I love clouds, they make me smile and I have touched one when I skydived
I like horror movies so I can hide my face in The Man
I like mysteries because I like to try and figure them out
I love facts, The Man tells me a fact nearly everyday and it amazes me
I love to learn new things
Anyway there is more to me but I need to toilet and can't think anymore he he he! Sorry.
Oh I thought I would add some of those photo's.
Chat later xxxx
Family
The Man
Friends
Work
Travelling
Experiencing new things
Making a difference
For the first time in ages I have taken some pictures of myself, I hate my photo being taken but I also needed to remind myself who I am. I thought I would try and note down some things that I believe make me, me.
Jess - I like to socialise
I like to meet new people
I love dogs and other animals
I'm not a big meat fan
I don't like coriander or grapefruit
I have been to Hong Kong, Austria, Menorca, Majorca, Paris, Germany, Italy, Switzerland, Czech Republic, Norway, Lanzarote, Belgium, Holland, America (Florida, Massachusetts, Ohio, Niagara Falls US side) and Bulgaria, I hope to see much more of the world
I love to knit and make things
I love to write
I try to do something for charity every year
I don't like being stressy, craving things I can't afford
I try to be as real and honest as I can
People are important to me, I like to learn about other cultures and religions
I try not to be judgemental(everyone is a little bit judgemental so don't fib to yourself)
I try to make eye contact with homeless people and if I have any money I try to give them some
It is important to me that I improve with every year I have
I am not religious my self but I believe, just have to discover in what
I would die for my family, they are the most important people in my life and every single one of them make me a better person in one way or another.
The Man (if you hadn't guest) is equally important to me and I am excited about the future
Mogs is my best friend, she has been with me since I was wee and knows me better than any other human being, she is as important to me as family
I love bright red lipstick, it is cheeky, gothic and obnoxious
I love clouds, they make me smile and I have touched one when I skydived
I like horror movies so I can hide my face in The Man
I like mysteries because I like to try and figure them out
I love facts, The Man tells me a fact nearly everyday and it amazes me
I love to learn new things
Anyway there is more to me but I need to toilet and can't think anymore he he he! Sorry.
Chat later xxxx
Monday, 15 November 2010
Escape of the Skeleton
I can't believe how uncomfortable that I have been today, my skeleton isn't playing nicely at all. It feels like my skeleton is pushing against my skin trying to force its way out. It has been happening over the past few days and getting a little worse every day. I know this is just another way of Monster pushing me, trying to get me to surrender. I know this was won't last forever and I know that I can get through this but I feel like I have entered into a test of wills, psychological torture. Not enough pain to focus everything that I have but enough discomfort to make it difficult to do anything. I will win this battle, I have to, I have a nephew and niece that I am dying to see.
I must sound like I whinge and complain all the time but something happened to me a few months ago that I never thought would, something that has changed everything about me and something that has changed the course of my entire life and I am still trying to muddle through it. Being positive, being strong and remembering that their are a lot of people a lot worse off, are all easy things to tell people but when every moment of your being is clouded with discomfort and pain it is hard to hear. I know their are people worse off but to be honest when is that not true? Even on our death beds their are still people worse off than us, we have no understanding of what cruelties other people inflict on each other but you know what biologically I think over the past few weeks I have had it pretty bad.
I am very conscience that I might sound terribly ungrateful and for that I am sorry, I don't mean to. As every day passes I feel a little better but I also have a little more realisation for what I have lost. I have no sensation left in my hands, feet and face, this means I can not feel anything, I have lost once of my senses, (sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch) I feel like I am playing poker with my senses and I have no choice of what I bet with next.
I must sound like I whinge and complain all the time but something happened to me a few months ago that I never thought would, something that has changed everything about me and something that has changed the course of my entire life and I am still trying to muddle through it. Being positive, being strong and remembering that their are a lot of people a lot worse off, are all easy things to tell people but when every moment of your being is clouded with discomfort and pain it is hard to hear. I know their are people worse off but to be honest when is that not true? Even on our death beds their are still people worse off than us, we have no understanding of what cruelties other people inflict on each other but you know what biologically I think over the past few weeks I have had it pretty bad.
I am very conscience that I might sound terribly ungrateful and for that I am sorry, I don't mean to. As every day passes I feel a little better but I also have a little more realisation for what I have lost. I have no sensation left in my hands, feet and face, this means I can not feel anything, I have lost once of my senses, (sight, hearing, taste, smell, and touch) I feel like I am playing poker with my senses and I have no choice of what I bet with next.
Sunday, 14 November 2010
Remembrance Sunday
Good day everyone, we have been to the Remembrance Sunday Service down at the Hornet Sailing Club http://hornetsailingclub.co.uk/com.html it was HMS Hornet up until 1956, if your interested check out the history page on their website. The old war ship Medusa was there just on the other side of the war memorial which was amazing, if you are at all in the history of this boat please check out her website, she is quite amazing, http://www.hmsmedusa.org.uk/medusa_history.html. The service was very moving and the turn out was amazing seeming it was torrential rain. There were naval ratings there and also officers from all over the world. I feel so humble when I am around such great men and women, I have so much respect for anyone who is willing to join the armed forces. I would love to do something to raise money for them, but unfortunately at the moment all concentration is going on getting better but there is time for careful consideration on what to do.
So Monster is attacking at the moment and it is very frustrating. At the moment I feel like my skeleton is too big for my body, I feel like it is trying to stretch out of my skin. I know this may sound crazy to anyone else and it is difficult to explain but I will try. I have mentioned a few times that it is like being trapped in your own skin and that is exactly what it feels like in so many more ways than one. It is frustrating having the ambition to do things but not the physical capability, I want my life back, I want to walk and move around but at the moment I am so physically limited I feel trapped. Imagine being locked in a room and unable to get out, having everything you need in that room but not the freedom to go out, thats what it is like.
Along with that feeling, like I have explained my skeleton wants to escape. One of the feelings I get with this is it is uncomfortable when anything presses on me, if someone holds my hand it hurts a little, hugs hurt a little and even sitting and lying down is a little painful. This is definitely not in any competition with the pain I was experiencing before but is still a constant reminder that the Monster is lurking. Something else that my naughty little friend has been doing is hugging me tightly round the chest so it restricts my breathing, not comfortable but hey I will survive.
Lastly, (I know you have been looking forward to this bit) it’s toilet talk....yeaaaaa, well to be honest, not so much. Once again Monster has been stopping me going to the toilet and when I do manage to finally go a little bit it is only a little bit and it hurts. My bladder seems to be constantly full at the mo so this is uncomfortable, because I can only go a tiny bit it is just sore a lot. I have actually nicknamed it my ‘Wee Baby’ as it is starting to look like I am pregga’s because my tummy is always slightly swollen out with a full bladder.
Whenever I get down about things my Mum always reminds me of something very true and today is making me grateful for what I do have, not worrying about what I don’t have, that saying is
'Worst things happen at sea’
So Monster is attacking at the moment and it is very frustrating. At the moment I feel like my skeleton is too big for my body, I feel like it is trying to stretch out of my skin. I know this may sound crazy to anyone else and it is difficult to explain but I will try. I have mentioned a few times that it is like being trapped in your own skin and that is exactly what it feels like in so many more ways than one. It is frustrating having the ambition to do things but not the physical capability, I want my life back, I want to walk and move around but at the moment I am so physically limited I feel trapped. Imagine being locked in a room and unable to get out, having everything you need in that room but not the freedom to go out, thats what it is like.
Along with that feeling, like I have explained my skeleton wants to escape. One of the feelings I get with this is it is uncomfortable when anything presses on me, if someone holds my hand it hurts a little, hugs hurt a little and even sitting and lying down is a little painful. This is definitely not in any competition with the pain I was experiencing before but is still a constant reminder that the Monster is lurking. Something else that my naughty little friend has been doing is hugging me tightly round the chest so it restricts my breathing, not comfortable but hey I will survive.
Lastly, (I know you have been looking forward to this bit) it’s toilet talk....yeaaaaa, well to be honest, not so much. Once again Monster has been stopping me going to the toilet and when I do manage to finally go a little bit it is only a little bit and it hurts. My bladder seems to be constantly full at the mo so this is uncomfortable, because I can only go a tiny bit it is just sore a lot. I have actually nicknamed it my ‘Wee Baby’ as it is starting to look like I am pregga’s because my tummy is always slightly swollen out with a full bladder.
Whenever I get down about things my Mum always reminds me of something very true and today is making me grateful for what I do have, not worrying about what I don’t have, that saying is
'Worst things happen at sea’
Saturday, 13 November 2010
Opinionating my self into distraction
So, I did say the other day that I was not opinionated, I have to take that back, I definitely am, sorry. I just want to make the world better for everyone. I wish everyone had what they needed in life to make it from day to day without stresses and upset. Anyway what I need to do if learn more about politics before I start mouthing of again. Apologies for previous outbursts but I must say that it will most probably not be the last. I have decided when I have these little outbursts I will start them with **a pinch of salt** and then you will know not to take me too seriously.
I will need to finish this off later, got to get ready going to my beautiful Aunties house for lunch and to catch up with the family xxx
Loves you all, chat soon xxxx he he he! When I say chat I mean listen to me, but feel free to comment, please leave me comments. Tell me off, tell me you agree, tell me to get a grip or tell me to s*d off anything at all, I would love to hear from you xxxx
I will need to finish this off later, got to get ready going to my beautiful Aunties house for lunch and to catch up with the family xxx
Loves you all, chat soon xxxx he he he! When I say chat I mean listen to me, but feel free to comment, please leave me comments. Tell me off, tell me you agree, tell me to get a grip or tell me to s*d off anything at all, I would love to hear from you xxxx
Friday, 12 November 2010
Travel Insurance
I bought travel insurance today and I was starting to get nervous about it because it is so expensive when you have any medical conditons, unfortunately I have Asthma and MS so it was looking to cost me around 200 quid for a week and no where I looked offered a yearly policy which is a pain in the bum. I called my bank because I do have free worldwide cover with them so I thought I could check with them, they offered me a yearly policy for £130, that includes my MS and my Asthma is free. So I am sorted people for a whole year...watch out overseaers I will be coming over.
How exciting this next year is going to be, I am going to
Austria in January, finally I shall go to the ball.
Spain at some point hopefully
Possibly Australia to see my big cousin T and my amazing friend Prue'sy.
Hopefully some weekends away (Austria, Spain, Belgium, France you know I want the world)
Bruv and family in America are coming over so we will see about heading over there.
Be back later.
How exciting this next year is going to be, I am going to
Austria in January, finally I shall go to the ball.
Spain at some point hopefully
Possibly Australia to see my big cousin T and my amazing friend Prue'sy.
Hopefully some weekends away (Austria, Spain, Belgium, France you know I want the world)
Bruv and family in America are coming over so we will see about heading over there.
Be back later.
Should go night night
I should go night night but I need to tell you about my day. I have had a great day, my friend Talia came to see me and we spent hours putting the world to rights, she is so lovely (she would kill me for saying that). I was also reminded by my brother that my opinions are not usually fully right so I thought I would say a few things, I am opinionated and sometimes speak out of turn without all the facts and I know this so, what I said about students is me just ranting. I actually don't know a lot about the proposed tuition fee increase, I will read into it. Also I do value people with degrees, of course I do, but I must say that there are some that annoy me, but many more I respect. It was apparently a group from the 'Anarchist Federation' (which in itself has been said to an oxymoron) that caused all the damage so it was unfair of me to blame all the students. So in summary of my rant, it was not fully informed and I accept that I should not speak without the facts and I should also identify my own short comings before attacking others.
I also had a suprise delivery....Dotty, isn't she sexy. I know, I know Geraldine is going to be most upset but sometimes in life you have to move on and it is that time for us. She needs to head into retirement and allow Dotty to shine in her new position. There maybe a time that I require Geraldine to come out of retirement and I will welcome her with open arms but for now I must say goodbye for now.
I also spoke to M on the phone, she is my friend with MS. She is facing some big decision regarding treatments and changes in treatments. I am not taking anything because of the advice I got from my Neurologist but I know most people do take meds. It is hard to know who to listen to an what to believe sometimes not being medically trained. I have become cynical of the NHS so I have been doing a lot of reading about things.
Night night need to go and phone The Man xxxxx
I also had a suprise delivery....Dotty, isn't she sexy. I know, I know Geraldine is going to be most upset but sometimes in life you have to move on and it is that time for us. She needs to head into retirement and allow Dotty to shine in her new position. There maybe a time that I require Geraldine to come out of retirement and I will welcome her with open arms but for now I must say goodbye for now.
Night night need to go and phone The Man xxxxx
Thursday, 11 November 2010
Remembrance Day
First World War ended 11.00 11 November 1918 it lasted 4 years, 3months and 14days
Second World War ended 2nd September 1945 it lasted 6 years and 1 day
We owe everything to the people who fought in these war and they should never be fogotten. We should make sure that the children of today never forget them either xxxx
Wednesday, 10 November 2010
Students (this is a rant)
Self confessed rant but aaaahhhhhhh! Students rioting because they are going to have to pay for their education, who the hell do they think they are, I will tell you what I think they are. Most people nowadays go to university and study something with no consideration for the future and drink themselves stupid for the three years and if anything cause havoc every evening throughout term time. At the end of their degrees they walk about as if they are owed a job, well sorry folks that is not how life works. I can't believe they have the audacity to complain about paying for an education that should pay out once they are qualified. The reason none of these 'Graduate' can find work is because they are just too damn lazy to try. There are exceptions to the rule I know, not all student are as pathetic as I am making out but a large proportion of them are.
In life we work, we earn, we borrow, we pay back and we work towards bettering ourselves. Society seem to have created a breed of people who think they 'should' get the job because they have a piece of paper, that they don't have to work as hard because they have a piece of paper, they think that we should pay for their education because they deserve it. They truly believe that you and me, many of us that have worked since school should pay for a degree that gives them the sense that they are 'better' than us.
To prove their point the marched through London today causing havoc with their ridiculous little riot. I think we should total up the cost of the disruption caused to the city of London, the damage done to the streets and buildings, the police time and other emergency services time and bill them, add another £5000 to every students fees. It angers me so much that these idiots thought that this was a constructive way of making the British public sympathise with them.
I know I spend a lot of time ranting at the moment and I apologise for that but having all this time on my hands is the reason, I am not usually so opinionated. xxxxxx
PPS I respect some people with degrees, just not all of them.
In life we work, we earn, we borrow, we pay back and we work towards bettering ourselves. Society seem to have created a breed of people who think they 'should' get the job because they have a piece of paper, that they don't have to work as hard because they have a piece of paper, they think that we should pay for their education because they deserve it. They truly believe that you and me, many of us that have worked since school should pay for a degree that gives them the sense that they are 'better' than us.
To prove their point the marched through London today causing havoc with their ridiculous little riot. I think we should total up the cost of the disruption caused to the city of London, the damage done to the streets and buildings, the police time and other emergency services time and bill them, add another £5000 to every students fees. It angers me so much that these idiots thought that this was a constructive way of making the British public sympathise with them.
I know I spend a lot of time ranting at the moment and I apologise for that but having all this time on my hands is the reason, I am not usually so opinionated. xxxxxx
PPS I respect some people with degrees, just not all of them.
I got 25 minutes to go...
Hey lovely people, there is becoming a lateness in my writing I know but I will try and sort that out. I am watching documentaries today, I don't usually have the TV on through the day I thought I would treat myself. I have watched a documentary about a Kelly Ryan and Craig Titus, both body building champions that killed their assistant, Melissa James in 2005. It was about the effect of getting mixed up it a sadist. I find all those type of documentries interesting because I can't imagine ever causing anyone any real harm. I have in the past wondered if I would survive situations and I have (a very mild) idea of how terrifying it must be to be a victim of some of these crimes. I think my post yesterday can be in some way explained by my concern for the human rights of the victims.
I have also watched a documentry about polar bears, wow! Here are some facts about the polar bear that I bet you didn't know -
There are between 21,000 and 25,000 left in the wild
They live to about 25 years old
Grow up to10ft tall
Can swim up to 100 km in one go
They can run up to 40km an hour
They have to catch average of 2 Ring seals a week to comfortably survive
They do not expell any heat as it is all reserved to survive the Artic conditions
When hunting at seal breath holes they can stand completely motionless for around 2 hours.
Interesting stuff people, everyday is a school day huh!
This Pomodoro Technique is brilliant, I would recommend it to anyone. Today, all in 25 minute slots I have 1.finished that last bit of 'All my Friends are Superheroes' which is brilliant and I definately recommend it.
2.started knitting another scarf
3.showered and got ready for the day
4. read the first 2 chapters of my 'Learn to Program' book
5. facebooked (caught up with emails)
6. caught up with emails
7. Blogged
Time out x
I have also watched a documentry about polar bears, wow! Here are some facts about the polar bear that I bet you didn't know -
There are between 21,000 and 25,000 left in the wild
They live to about 25 years old
Grow up to10ft tall
Can swim up to 100 km in one go
They can run up to 40km an hour
They have to catch average of 2 Ring seals a week to comfortably survive
They do not expell any heat as it is all reserved to survive the Artic conditions
When hunting at seal breath holes they can stand completely motionless for around 2 hours.
Interesting stuff people, everyday is a school day huh!
This Pomodoro Technique is brilliant, I would recommend it to anyone. Today, all in 25 minute slots I have 1.finished that last bit of 'All my Friends are Superheroes' which is brilliant and I definately recommend it.
2.started knitting another scarf
3.showered and got ready for the day
4. read the first 2 chapters of my 'Learn to Program' book
5. facebooked (caught up with emails)
6. caught up with emails
7. Blogged
Time out x
Tuesday, 9 November 2010
Mental Block
Sorry folks I am being a lame ass today and I don't have anything to say. I went out to a dinner last night at an open night for the Freemasonry, we have a friend who is Grand Master and he invited us along. I know, 'the funny handshake brigade' but honestly it wasn't weird or sinister as you might think. All the people we met were lovely, they took us into their temple and gave us a wee demonstration of what they do, they couldn't really show us but they tried. They talked about the Freemasonry symbols, here is a site if you are interested http://www.masonic-lodge-of-education.com/freemason-symbols.html
It was interesting, I think it is important to find out about these things before casting judgement on them, so I am glad I had this experience.
It was interesting, I think it is important to find out about these things before casting judgement on them, so I am glad I had this experience.
I also must write about some things that I have heard on Radio 4 that I think we as a nation could definitely solve ourselves. I will put the questions to you lovely people -
Adu Hamza - Do you want him living in Britain? Yes or No
- Do you think we should give him to the US? Yes or No
If you can decide have a read about him http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Abu_Hamza_al-Masri
Someone who openly supports murder is not living within the rules of the British public and I think we should be able to have a say at the fate. What happens to the 'human rights' of the victims of these murders? Why don't victims have human rights or their families?
I know I shouldn't really mention any of this on my blog but every day I listen to things on the radio and it really annoys me. I am not trying to be controversal I simply think that we as the British public should have a say in these matters. We are never consulted about anything, over paid 'bleeps' sit in London and decide how we all think. In the age of technology when we could easily be asked our opinions. God help the country if it turned into a democracy-
de·moc·ra·cy
–noun, plural -cies.
1. government by the people; a form of government in which the supreme power is vested in the people and exercised directly by them or by their elected agents under a free electoral system.
2. a state having such a form of government: The United States and Canada are democracies.
3. a state of society characterized by formal equality of rights and privileges.
4. political or social equality; democratic spirit.
5. the common people of a community as distinguished from any privileged class; the common people with respect to their political power.
Just incase you forgot, because I was starting to think democracy meant
1. Guilty until proven innocent
2. Only criminals deserve human rights
3. Ripped off at any opportunity by those govering them
4. Be ashamed to be British
5. Have one opportunity every 5 years to elect another bunch of people who have the same opinions as every other party and make decisions with no regard for those who elected them.
Although, I am just one person with too much time on her hands. No one to worry about or listen to.
Sorry for that outburst, guess I have way too much time on my hands.
I'll sign off now and carry on watching 'Four Lions' if you haven't seen it watch it, one of the funniest films out - http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1341167/
Monday, 8 November 2010
Short Story Attempt First Installment
Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought something was wrong? Has anything caught your eye in the mirror that you are sure was not there? Have you ever had déjà vu or dreamt of things that appear so real you cannot decipher if it is real or a dream? I have had all these feelings for as long as I can remember and recently I have come to realise why. Now this is a story about me and my world but in these pages I hope to unlock some of the secrets that most people pass from day to day and never give a second thought
It started when I was three years old, I was playing with my brother Paul jumping from the coffee table to the couch, he was holding me so I didn’t fall. I have three older brothers and they have always watched out for me but being 10 years old Paul got distracted and left me playing on my own. I don’t really remember my thought process surrounding this event but I do remember the blood. As Paul walked away from me I jumped from the couch onto the coffee table, not realising the danger, I slipped and my head smashed off the corner of the table and the blood began to run.
The next thing I remember is tightness on my head, it felt as if my brother Mark was squeezing my head tight (he used to do this and tell me my brain would pop out). Mark wasn’t squeezing my head and everyone was being so nice to me, I even got a sweet from the doctor. I didn’t really remember what had happened but I liked all the attention and figured that the tightness on my head was possibly not such a bad thing, if everyone was going to be that nice to me.
I had no idea what was about to happen as we got out of the car and headed to the house. My brother Neil carrying me; it was then I first saw her. We past the mirror in the hall way and as I turned and faced my reflection I burst into tears, what was wrong with me. The reflection in the mirror was Neil carrying a little girl, my age, but it was not me. He stopped and tried to reassure me but I dug my sore head into his neck, hiding from this strange girl who had stared back at me. Neil did everything to reassure me, explaining I had a nasty cut above my right eyebrow where I had fallen, and the doctor had put a pretty pink bandage over it to help it heal and there was nothing to worry about. I couldn’t understand, he couldn’t have seen her, he wouldn’t have said all those things if he had. She didn’t have a pink bandage on, her head wasn’t cut, her left eye had a big purple patch on it. The little girl in the reflection was different, she had a patch on her left eye and the left side of her face was bruised badly. I knew it wasn’t me but who was she, I had no idea that this was the beginning of my journey to discover who that little girl was.
While I had the bandage on head I made my family cover all the mirrors because this little girl was always there, staring at me. I would cry and cry until they were covered because she scared me, she didn’t do anything, just looked straight back at me, but that was enough. I also noticed subtle differences in everyone elses reflection, like Neil’s hair was always parted on the wrong side, or Mums shoes had an extra tassel on them, that kind of thing. As time went on and my bandage came off my family would stand me in front of the mirror and say so many encouraging words, the whole time I would stand frozen to the spot looking at this little girl who I had no idea who or where she was, I only knew she wasn’t me.
After this time I would she away from mirrors until I was about six when I decided to face my fears. I gathered all my courage and stood in front of the mirror and I stared. Who stared back at me? She looked like me, wore my clothes, seemed just as scared as me, but was definitely not me. I noticed her breathing was just slightly out, hers was just a little faster but unless you were staring as intently as I was, I doubt anyone would have noticed. I reached out and touched the mirror and she copied me, I touched the glass with my right hand and she touched the glass with her left and it was then I knew that I had to find out who this girl was.
I would stare into the mirror at this girl everyday trying move in a way that she couldn’t copy, but everything I did she did. After a few weeks my brothers started to make fun of me, for being so obsessed with my reflection. I would sit and wonder why no-one else could see the differences. The more I would stare I would notice that colours were slightly different, toys were slightly different, clothes were slightly different. Sometimes I would be sure that one of my brothers had walked behind me but when I shouted on them they would be playing down stairs or out. I would ask my Mum and she would explain that it was just a trick of the eye or my little over active brain. I think my Mum started to worry about me so she began to force my reluctant brothers to spend more time with me. I think she thought all my starting was making me crazy.
It was around this time that I started having dreams about the girl in the mirror. I would wake up and feel like we had met; I could even remember the smell of her room. Every night I would fall asleep and hope to dream of her. I wanted to know so much about her, I wanted to know how to speak to her. I didn’t tell anyone about her after because no one seemed to understand and if I did they just seemed to make fun of me about it. It was then that she became my secret and my only friend.
It started when I was three years old, I was playing with my brother Paul jumping from the coffee table to the couch, he was holding me so I didn’t fall. I have three older brothers and they have always watched out for me but being 10 years old Paul got distracted and left me playing on my own. I don’t really remember my thought process surrounding this event but I do remember the blood. As Paul walked away from me I jumped from the couch onto the coffee table, not realising the danger, I slipped and my head smashed off the corner of the table and the blood began to run.
The next thing I remember is tightness on my head, it felt as if my brother Mark was squeezing my head tight (he used to do this and tell me my brain would pop out). Mark wasn’t squeezing my head and everyone was being so nice to me, I even got a sweet from the doctor. I didn’t really remember what had happened but I liked all the attention and figured that the tightness on my head was possibly not such a bad thing, if everyone was going to be that nice to me.
I had no idea what was about to happen as we got out of the car and headed to the house. My brother Neil carrying me; it was then I first saw her. We past the mirror in the hall way and as I turned and faced my reflection I burst into tears, what was wrong with me. The reflection in the mirror was Neil carrying a little girl, my age, but it was not me. He stopped and tried to reassure me but I dug my sore head into his neck, hiding from this strange girl who had stared back at me. Neil did everything to reassure me, explaining I had a nasty cut above my right eyebrow where I had fallen, and the doctor had put a pretty pink bandage over it to help it heal and there was nothing to worry about. I couldn’t understand, he couldn’t have seen her, he wouldn’t have said all those things if he had. She didn’t have a pink bandage on, her head wasn’t cut, her left eye had a big purple patch on it. The little girl in the reflection was different, she had a patch on her left eye and the left side of her face was bruised badly. I knew it wasn’t me but who was she, I had no idea that this was the beginning of my journey to discover who that little girl was.
While I had the bandage on head I made my family cover all the mirrors because this little girl was always there, staring at me. I would cry and cry until they were covered because she scared me, she didn’t do anything, just looked straight back at me, but that was enough. I also noticed subtle differences in everyone elses reflection, like Neil’s hair was always parted on the wrong side, or Mums shoes had an extra tassel on them, that kind of thing. As time went on and my bandage came off my family would stand me in front of the mirror and say so many encouraging words, the whole time I would stand frozen to the spot looking at this little girl who I had no idea who or where she was, I only knew she wasn’t me.
After this time I would she away from mirrors until I was about six when I decided to face my fears. I gathered all my courage and stood in front of the mirror and I stared. Who stared back at me? She looked like me, wore my clothes, seemed just as scared as me, but was definitely not me. I noticed her breathing was just slightly out, hers was just a little faster but unless you were staring as intently as I was, I doubt anyone would have noticed. I reached out and touched the mirror and she copied me, I touched the glass with my right hand and she touched the glass with her left and it was then I knew that I had to find out who this girl was.
I would stare into the mirror at this girl everyday trying move in a way that she couldn’t copy, but everything I did she did. After a few weeks my brothers started to make fun of me, for being so obsessed with my reflection. I would sit and wonder why no-one else could see the differences. The more I would stare I would notice that colours were slightly different, toys were slightly different, clothes were slightly different. Sometimes I would be sure that one of my brothers had walked behind me but when I shouted on them they would be playing down stairs or out. I would ask my Mum and she would explain that it was just a trick of the eye or my little over active brain. I think my Mum started to worry about me so she began to force my reluctant brothers to spend more time with me. I think she thought all my starting was making me crazy.
It was around this time that I started having dreams about the girl in the mirror. I would wake up and feel like we had met; I could even remember the smell of her room. Every night I would fall asleep and hope to dream of her. I wanted to know so much about her, I wanted to know how to speak to her. I didn’t tell anyone about her after because no one seemed to understand and if I did they just seemed to make fun of me about it. It was then that she became my secret and my only friend.
Boots, glorious Boots
So my second pair off boots came today so now I own 4 pairs of boots that I LOVE which is the first time for me so please excuse my excitement. For the first time in my adult life I have a wardrobe full of clothes I love and boots that are comfy. I feel like although my life has not gone the way I hoped lately, I am finding myself, rediscovering the old me and reinventing the Jess of the future. Exciting times for me.
I have been taking everyones advise and have been writing a short story. People keep telling me to write a book so I thought I would use this as a recovery tool. I am not say that I am going to write a book right now, what I am going to do is write a short story and I hope you will all give me some feedback on it. I will try and write some each day and publish my daily work on it.
As for feeling, I am feeling ok today. My heart is back where it is meant to be. My left leg is spasming quite a lot but hey I can cope with that. I am not in as much pain and the shocks have spaced out a little more. I am also able to go to the toilet (know that should be a need to know basis but I figured you need to know). All in all I am getting stronger and feeling happier.
I am going out for dinner with my Mum and Dad tonight so I will go now and attempt to look nice xxxx I will post my Short Story Beginning soon.
I have been taking everyones advise and have been writing a short story. People keep telling me to write a book so I thought I would use this as a recovery tool. I am not say that I am going to write a book right now, what I am going to do is write a short story and I hope you will all give me some feedback on it. I will try and write some each day and publish my daily work on it.
As for feeling, I am feeling ok today. My heart is back where it is meant to be. My left leg is spasming quite a lot but hey I can cope with that. I am not in as much pain and the shocks have spaced out a little more. I am also able to go to the toilet (know that should be a need to know basis but I figured you need to know). All in all I am getting stronger and feeling happier.
I am going out for dinner with my Mum and Dad tonight so I will go now and attempt to look nice xxxx I will post my Short Story Beginning soon.
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