Friday, 31 December 2010
Operation snap Nail
So I thought today that I would try and do something on my rest day, nothing too strenuous because I am becoming increasingly aware of the limitations I still have. I have decided that instead of viewing the acceptance of my limitations as defeat I should use them to direct my recovery. I know that I pay for what ever I do with the currency of pain, so why not spend wisely. I get frustrated with my life at the moment and I really feel sometimes that I let myself down, it is difficult to explain these feelings because I know that in most areas I am doing well but I still think there is more I could do. I don't want to be the kind of person that refuses to help themselves, I want to be able to hold my head up high and say that what I got in life was meant to be and not because I was too lazy to slow Monsters progression.
I hope that people don't read this and thing I always either over analyse things or simply moan all the time because neither of those things are my intentions. I wanted to share this experience with people and how I am dealing with it in the hope that for one those who know me can understand what I am going through and people who don't know me can have some kind of idea of what it is like. Being told that I have Multiple Sclerosis was a bad thing to happen but in many ways it was a great thing that happened, now I know. I spent years thinking that it was in my head, that I was a hypochondriac, maybe I was mad, maybe I was a complete attention seeker. The emotional journey before the diagnosis is something I can not even begin to explain so in some ways getting that final diagnosis was a good thing. I think from the start of this adventure I wanted be able to improve as a person, you read so much about people who swear that Cancer in fact cured their lives, this is because they develop as a person and use their illness as a focus their attention on the things that really matter to them. I want to be one of those people, I want MS to improve my life more than it destroys it.
I know I have harped on about some of these things before but I have so much to be thankful for, I have everything in life that a person should need. I absolutely love my job, I love my life in London, I have the most amazing family, the best friends anyone could ever wish for and I have The Man, what more could a girl ask for. Sometimes it is so easy to get completely lost in the negatives that life throws at you but it is important to balance these things against the great things in your life. Focusing on the amount of pain I face daily would be easy, I know I can talk a little too much about it to people and I will learn to stop that but it is a dominant thing in my life at the moment, it is what continually reminds me of where my limitations are. I think one thing to remember whilst reading my ramblings is this is all still new to me, I am going to make mistakes, I am going to possibly go down the wrong road at some point and possibly will have to back track but I hope that through being open and honest with everyone people might be able to help guide me.
It is strange for me to not be able to enjoy a drink, I think this is something that I find the hardest at the moment. Don't worry I am not an alcoholic (shhh, I am not), but I definitely have been known to enjoy a drink or two. Being Christmas and New year I find this side of my illness particularly frustrating, something that will hopefully improve with time but for not I am being forced into T Totaller. Tell you what though, life on the sober train isn't all that bad, no hangovers, no un-quenchable thirst, no memory loss or embarrassment of things you can't really remember, yep there are some perks (just not enough).
I think I have mentioned how important walking in heels has become to me, silly yes, going to stop...no. I would like to be able to have the choice, I do not appreciate Monster removing that choice and I now think that my determination has some good points. I am not sure you will all share in my determination but I put on my heal today and waked a little more confidently in them, I also stood still in them whilst putting on my makeup and worked hard and keeping my ankle up right. Exercise and determination might just win this but I will work on it, I don't have a time frame for this so if it takes years then thats what will happen. Even if I never manage to walk out and about with my pretty heels on just having them in my room to walk in and exercising that ankle keeping it straight with them should help in the long run.
Oh I should tell you what I did today as that is how I started this post huh! Are you intrigued? If not WHY NOT? He he he! I went for a swim, I did 50 lengths of a 17 metre pool, that is 850 metres. I wanted to do 100 lengths but I then heard The Man's voice in my head telling me to try 50 today and see how I feel, I can always do more next time if I feel well, I listened and I am so grateful I did. I could have pushed out 100 but then I would have been in horrible amounts of pain and would have risked work tomorrow. I have been fighting the pain all day as it is but I think because I hadn't kicked the arse out of myself I could better deal with the pain. I have started to learn that pain is bad (obviously) but fatigue and pain together is unbearable. I know that my currency is pain so paying out small installments and increasing my activities is incredibly gently is a much better way of dealing with my limitations. So
The reason I named this post 'Operation snap Nail' is because my nails have been really long lately (natural) and today I snapped my right thumb nail, this doesn't sound as horrific as it was, not that I have feeling in my hands but the sound was like a bone snapping and the blood wasn't pretty. It is ok though, thumb saved, nail not but all in all a good result (ish).
I must sign off now, The Man is asleep and I should join him. Love to you all xxxx night night xxxx
I hope that people don't read this and thing I always either over analyse things or simply moan all the time because neither of those things are my intentions. I wanted to share this experience with people and how I am dealing with it in the hope that for one those who know me can understand what I am going through and people who don't know me can have some kind of idea of what it is like. Being told that I have Multiple Sclerosis was a bad thing to happen but in many ways it was a great thing that happened, now I know. I spent years thinking that it was in my head, that I was a hypochondriac, maybe I was mad, maybe I was a complete attention seeker. The emotional journey before the diagnosis is something I can not even begin to explain so in some ways getting that final diagnosis was a good thing. I think from the start of this adventure I wanted be able to improve as a person, you read so much about people who swear that Cancer in fact cured their lives, this is because they develop as a person and use their illness as a focus their attention on the things that really matter to them. I want to be one of those people, I want MS to improve my life more than it destroys it.
I know I have harped on about some of these things before but I have so much to be thankful for, I have everything in life that a person should need. I absolutely love my job, I love my life in London, I have the most amazing family, the best friends anyone could ever wish for and I have The Man, what more could a girl ask for. Sometimes it is so easy to get completely lost in the negatives that life throws at you but it is important to balance these things against the great things in your life. Focusing on the amount of pain I face daily would be easy, I know I can talk a little too much about it to people and I will learn to stop that but it is a dominant thing in my life at the moment, it is what continually reminds me of where my limitations are. I think one thing to remember whilst reading my ramblings is this is all still new to me, I am going to make mistakes, I am going to possibly go down the wrong road at some point and possibly will have to back track but I hope that through being open and honest with everyone people might be able to help guide me.
It is strange for me to not be able to enjoy a drink, I think this is something that I find the hardest at the moment. Don't worry I am not an alcoholic (shhh, I am not), but I definitely have been known to enjoy a drink or two. Being Christmas and New year I find this side of my illness particularly frustrating, something that will hopefully improve with time but for not I am being forced into T Totaller. Tell you what though, life on the sober train isn't all that bad, no hangovers, no un-quenchable thirst, no memory loss or embarrassment of things you can't really remember, yep there are some perks (just not enough).
I think I have mentioned how important walking in heels has become to me, silly yes, going to stop...no. I would like to be able to have the choice, I do not appreciate Monster removing that choice and I now think that my determination has some good points. I am not sure you will all share in my determination but I put on my heal today and waked a little more confidently in them, I also stood still in them whilst putting on my makeup and worked hard and keeping my ankle up right. Exercise and determination might just win this but I will work on it, I don't have a time frame for this so if it takes years then thats what will happen. Even if I never manage to walk out and about with my pretty heels on just having them in my room to walk in and exercising that ankle keeping it straight with them should help in the long run.
Oh I should tell you what I did today as that is how I started this post huh! Are you intrigued? If not WHY NOT? He he he! I went for a swim, I did 50 lengths of a 17 metre pool, that is 850 metres. I wanted to do 100 lengths but I then heard The Man's voice in my head telling me to try 50 today and see how I feel, I can always do more next time if I feel well, I listened and I am so grateful I did. I could have pushed out 100 but then I would have been in horrible amounts of pain and would have risked work tomorrow. I have been fighting the pain all day as it is but I think because I hadn't kicked the arse out of myself I could better deal with the pain. I have started to learn that pain is bad (obviously) but fatigue and pain together is unbearable. I know that my currency is pain so paying out small installments and increasing my activities is incredibly gently is a much better way of dealing with my limitations. So
The reason I named this post 'Operation snap Nail' is because my nails have been really long lately (natural) and today I snapped my right thumb nail, this doesn't sound as horrific as it was, not that I have feeling in my hands but the sound was like a bone snapping and the blood wasn't pretty. It is ok though, thumb saved, nail not but all in all a good result (ish).
I must sign off now, The Man is asleep and I should join him. Love to you all xxxx night night xxxx
Wednesday, 29 December 2010
Christmas time...Mistletoe and Wine
So I have some more apologising to do and some more Blogging to do as well. I am so sorry for neglecting the blog lately it has been one of those times over Christmas where all good intentions are lost with the festivities, I am sure you all know what I am talking about. I was going to do a recap about all the things I have done over the last few day but I am not going to I am simply going to tell you I had a lovely Christmas and I got loads of amazing presents.
I also have to tell you about Annie, she is my new laptop and my God she is one sexy beast. She is a MacBook Pro and is amazing, she is going to help develop my geek skills beyond all recognition, she is going to be the instrument I use to take over the world...or at least what it is I do in my chosen career. Only joking but these machines are what most people in our so called trade use and equipped with the right tools I hope to be able to learn and progress further in my career. Check me out, business lady and all, I crack myself up sometimes because I feel like a little girl in an adults (150 year olds) body, I walk around and I know I am a grown up but I still love all the things I did when I was a child. I want to save the world and I then realise, I have a real job, in an office, in I.T and I really might not be Rainbow Brite.
I have been getting better and better I am sure you will all be glad to know. I have noticed that my recovery time has got a lot shorter, this means when I get to work I am in pain for a shorter period of time, making my day more productive. Everything I do at the moment can be measured in pain, how much I do costs a certain amount of pain, but that pain is happening in shorter and shorter bursts. I think it is amazing the way I am feeling better, I still find my limitations incredibly frustrating but then again we all live within some forms of limitation so I guess as long as I continue to try and improve every day just a little bit then I should be fine.
I have been thinking about The Man and I’s Yellow Brick Road and how there are different aspects of the same road, like hobbies and Business dreams. The type of hobbies I would like to do is, read all of Roald Dahl which I have started, I want to read all of Shakespeare, I would like to listen to all the Beatles albums in order and much much more. I would also like on my Business side of things, learn to program, I would like to learn more of the Business side of things and I would like to be much more organised.
Anyway I will stop boring you and I shall go to bed. Night night and love to all, hope you all had a lovely Christmas. xxxxx
I also have to tell you about Annie, she is my new laptop and my God she is one sexy beast. She is a MacBook Pro and is amazing, she is going to help develop my geek skills beyond all recognition, she is going to be the instrument I use to take over the world...or at least what it is I do in my chosen career. Only joking but these machines are what most people in our so called trade use and equipped with the right tools I hope to be able to learn and progress further in my career. Check me out, business lady and all, I crack myself up sometimes because I feel like a little girl in an adults (150 year olds) body, I walk around and I know I am a grown up but I still love all the things I did when I was a child. I want to save the world and I then realise, I have a real job, in an office, in I.T and I really might not be Rainbow Brite.
I have been getting better and better I am sure you will all be glad to know. I have noticed that my recovery time has got a lot shorter, this means when I get to work I am in pain for a shorter period of time, making my day more productive. Everything I do at the moment can be measured in pain, how much I do costs a certain amount of pain, but that pain is happening in shorter and shorter bursts. I think it is amazing the way I am feeling better, I still find my limitations incredibly frustrating but then again we all live within some forms of limitation so I guess as long as I continue to try and improve every day just a little bit then I should be fine.
I have been thinking about The Man and I’s Yellow Brick Road and how there are different aspects of the same road, like hobbies and Business dreams. The type of hobbies I would like to do is, read all of Roald Dahl which I have started, I want to read all of Shakespeare, I would like to listen to all the Beatles albums in order and much much more. I would also like on my Business side of things, learn to program, I would like to learn more of the Business side of things and I would like to be much more organised.
Anyway I will stop boring you and I shall go to bed. Night night and love to all, hope you all had a lovely Christmas. xxxxx
Tuesday, 28 December 2010
Bad Blogger over Crimbo, sorry folks
I know I know, I have been a terribly bad blogger over Christmas and for that I must apologise. I hope my readers will continue on in this journey with me. Christmas has been amazing and I hope you all had an equally amazing time as well. We drove up to Glasgow to stay with my eldest brother and his (absolutely stunning) wife over the Christmas period. On Thursday after work we drove up to Birmingham as I mentioned in my last post, and it was amazing. The hotel was a 'Pod' Hotel which has been inspired by the Japanese, considering their country is only 377, 835 km squared but they have a population of around 127-128 million, you can see why they build things small. If you compare that with Britain which has a land mass of 245000 km squared and a population of approx 62 million people, hmmm well that didn't work out the way I thought is was going to but more of Japan is uninhabitable than Britain. Back to my point is that the Pod Hotel was amazing and if you get the chance go, also Birmingham looked amazing so I am really looking forward to going to see it.
We got up the next day and headed towards Gretna Green shopping outlets, it is great up there but it was completely dead which I think we were all shocked. We met Urgl and Engywook up there (that is my Mum and Dad if you don’t know). I bought some high heel boots, they are about an inch taller than the ones I currently have but I am determined to wear high heels because they actually help me walk, lifting my feet and making it a little easier, the problem I have though is Monster has damaged a lot of my balance so it is a bit of a catch 22 really. I know it sounds mad but I really want to be able to wear heels, to look good and feel confident, I want to be able to walk tall with The Man.
We set off from Gretna and headed up to N & J’s (I am not calling them by their names for obvious reason...they are famous...thats a lie...because they are secret agents...ok a slight lie...because it is not fair)
I am in a hotel in Manchester so this is going to have to be finished tonight, sorry folks xxxx
Loves ya all xxx
We got up the next day and headed towards Gretna Green shopping outlets, it is great up there but it was completely dead which I think we were all shocked. We met Urgl and Engywook up there (that is my Mum and Dad if you don’t know). I bought some high heel boots, they are about an inch taller than the ones I currently have but I am determined to wear high heels because they actually help me walk, lifting my feet and making it a little easier, the problem I have though is Monster has damaged a lot of my balance so it is a bit of a catch 22 really. I know it sounds mad but I really want to be able to wear heels, to look good and feel confident, I want to be able to walk tall with The Man.
We set off from Gretna and headed up to N & J’s (I am not calling them by their names for obvious reason...they are famous...thats a lie...because they are secret agents...ok a slight lie...because it is not fair)
I am in a hotel in Manchester so this is going to have to be finished tonight, sorry folks xxxx
Loves ya all xxx
Friday, 24 December 2010
Driving Home for Christmas
So on Thursday we left London and drove up to Birmingham. We stop off at The Man’s house so he could pick up some post and DVD’s. It was on our way so not a bother at all, and I must say that his house was amazing. I didn’t go in because under the circumstance I don’t think it is right to go into the house, so I sat outside in the car. It is a shame that the house is such an inconvenient place in the world, well if you work in London. I am hoping it sells soon so that The Man can draw a line and move on with his life. We got up to Birmingham at about 11.30pm and it was really snowy and slippy.
We stayed in an amazing hotel called nitenite in Birmingham http://www.nitenite.com/uk/birmingham/en/gallery.cfm
I will tell the rest tomorrow, I am too tired to think properly.
Loves to all
Merry Christmas
Jess xxxx
We stayed in an amazing hotel called nitenite in Birmingham http://www.nitenite.com/uk/birmingham/en/gallery.cfm
I will tell the rest tomorrow, I am too tired to think properly.
Loves to all
Merry Christmas
Jess xxxx
Wednesday, 22 December 2010
Done but not 'Done Done'
Today has been tough, I feel like someone has given me a golden ticket back to my life and then snatched it back off me. This recovery thing is killing me, it really is, I just want my life back, I feel trapped in my own skin and it is horrible. I know that when I get down it is pointless and I have been reminding myself that being down only hurts me more and achieves nothing, it is just hard to stay positive when you are a prisoner in your own body. I know this won't last forever but it is like time has stood still so I can feel every second of pain. I didn't manage to get to work today which has got me down, I love going to work but I just couldn't have managed it today, nevermind though, tomorrow is a new day.
The Man is driving me up to Scotland to be with my family this Christmas, I am really excited to be spending our first Christmas together. It is very special to me family, both mine and his and I look forward to spending Christmas's with both our families. Usually as a rule we have alternate Christmas's, so this year we will be with my family and next year hopefully we will be with a member of his family.
Right I am going to go now. I will write a wee bit tomorrow but we are travellling north tomorrow so I might not be able to write much. Loves always xx
Jess xxxx
The Man is driving me up to Scotland to be with my family this Christmas, I am really excited to be spending our first Christmas together. It is very special to me family, both mine and his and I look forward to spending Christmas's with both our families. Usually as a rule we have alternate Christmas's, so this year we will be with my family and next year hopefully we will be with a member of his family.
Right I am going to go now. I will write a wee bit tomorrow but we are travellling north tomorrow so I might not be able to write much. Loves always xx
Jess xxxx
Tuesday, 21 December 2010
Done
I did it, I got my wrapping done, I finished my nails, I did our washing, my hand wash dresses survived woo hoo and now I am getting ready to see Gwalt. It has been a good rest day, it is worth while. Today I have felt better than any other rest day that I have had which means only one thing...I am on the mend. Thats right folks I finally feel like I am winning this fight. I love seeing the progress that I am making and how my life is improving every day.
I might be back later but I am not sure, see how the night goes xxxx
I might be back later but I am not sure, see how the night goes xxxx
Rest Days
I thought I would tell you quickly about my rest days, because I think that some people will think that I 'could' do a full week and unfortunately I am not there quite yet. Yesterday I went to work, had a tough trip in due to the snow and dodgy London Transport and then a days work. I have got my teeth into something at work and I am really going to enjoy it, but it is quite mentally taxing (which I wanted) so it does take it out of me. Anyway the amount of energy I use on one day I still pay for it the next, it feels a little like being charge for returning a film late. What I mean is my energy levels seem to fluxuate from day to day, what I use today I will pay for tomorrow. I know to some of you working every other day might sound appealing but you must remember that I can not do a whole lot on my rest days, it really is 'rest'.
I am meant to be wrapping presents but I seem to be finding any other job instead, I have just painted my nails, I have written to everyone I know one facebook that I don't speak to on a regular basis. I believe that Facebook is a tool to keep in touch with people, if you don't then you are not using the tool correctly. So many people add folk on Facebook that they never speak to again, I honestly don't see the point in opening a window to your life and having just anyone look through it. I know that it sounds crazy because anyone can read my blog but that is the purpose of it, I don't have strict restrictions because I want people to read, if I didn't I would secure it up like Facebook. I have just painted my nails Black and I am going to put purple irrodensent glitter over it to festive it up a little.
I have just washed 3 dresses on a cold wash because they are hand wash only, I know it might be a silly move but I don't really have the right space to handwash clothes, also I am rubbish at it. I will have to let you know how it goes. Right I really should think about wrapping, I need to get it back but I can't be bothered, terrible I know but hey, today I am feeling lazy. Later on we are meeting Gwaltz for drinks in Camden, when I say drinks mine will probs rock out and me a diet coke or soda and lime cause that is how daring I am nowadays.
Right here we go, I might be back later xxx
I am meant to be wrapping presents but I seem to be finding any other job instead, I have just painted my nails, I have written to everyone I know one facebook that I don't speak to on a regular basis. I believe that Facebook is a tool to keep in touch with people, if you don't then you are not using the tool correctly. So many people add folk on Facebook that they never speak to again, I honestly don't see the point in opening a window to your life and having just anyone look through it. I know that it sounds crazy because anyone can read my blog but that is the purpose of it, I don't have strict restrictions because I want people to read, if I didn't I would secure it up like Facebook. I have just painted my nails Black and I am going to put purple irrodensent glitter over it to festive it up a little.
I have just washed 3 dresses on a cold wash because they are hand wash only, I know it might be a silly move but I don't really have the right space to handwash clothes, also I am rubbish at it. I will have to let you know how it goes. Right I really should think about wrapping, I need to get it back but I can't be bothered, terrible I know but hey, today I am feeling lazy. Later on we are meeting Gwaltz for drinks in Camden, when I say drinks mine will probs rock out and me a diet coke or soda and lime cause that is how daring I am nowadays.
Right here we go, I might be back later xxx
More to say
Sorry folks I have more to say, I know I promised to try and only blog once a day but I have a full wee mind that is bursting to tell you things.
I have been reading some more of my old diaries and I feel I need to tell you some more about them. The story goes, I was in a very bad place, I was ill, in a terrible relationship and I was totally lost. I read the words that I wrote back then and it really makes me sad, I feel like I am reading pages of someone elses diary and then it hits me, I remember, I feel that ache inside and I know that all thoses things have happened to me. I am terrified to admit it but I wanted to die, back then I wanted everything in my world to stop, the pain, the abuse, the constant screaming, everything. The doctor told my parents that he had never seen someone that has given up as much as me, and I had, I stopped breathing and I didn't (at the time) ever want to start again. It is the sadest time of my life and I have distanced myself so much from it that now when I read it again, it haunts me. I think this is therapy though, I think that reminding myself of these things highlights just how amazing my life is now and is a necessary part of my recovery and development.
So to everyone who has taken the time to take this journey with me I am thankful. Everything in my life has been worth it because it got me here and it helped to create me as I am today. I am a long way from perfect, I am a long way from being fixed both mentally and physically but I am here and that is the main thing. I was scared when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I was terrified whilst I was going through the relapse but I once again made it and will live to tell the tale. Having MS has in some ways saved me from myself, I can be self loathing, insecure and destructive, all qualities I wish I didn't have but now I have something to focus my them on and that is the Monster. Getting through this latest fight and getting through it with all of you, my family, friends and everyone around me has made me stronger and is making me happier each day that passes.
I still have an enormous amount of pain to deal with daily, fatigue like you wouldn't believe and the toilet (I will leave it there, save the toilet issues for a rainy day). I am still in a struggle with the Monster but 9 weeks down, through a relapse with no medication, I think we have done well folks, I think I am gearing up in life to deal with just about anything and it is mostly down to you, so thank you.
Night night xxx
Love as aways xxxx
I have been reading some more of my old diaries and I feel I need to tell you some more about them. The story goes, I was in a very bad place, I was ill, in a terrible relationship and I was totally lost. I read the words that I wrote back then and it really makes me sad, I feel like I am reading pages of someone elses diary and then it hits me, I remember, I feel that ache inside and I know that all thoses things have happened to me. I am terrified to admit it but I wanted to die, back then I wanted everything in my world to stop, the pain, the abuse, the constant screaming, everything. The doctor told my parents that he had never seen someone that has given up as much as me, and I had, I stopped breathing and I didn't (at the time) ever want to start again. It is the sadest time of my life and I have distanced myself so much from it that now when I read it again, it haunts me. I think this is therapy though, I think that reminding myself of these things highlights just how amazing my life is now and is a necessary part of my recovery and development.
So to everyone who has taken the time to take this journey with me I am thankful. Everything in my life has been worth it because it got me here and it helped to create me as I am today. I am a long way from perfect, I am a long way from being fixed both mentally and physically but I am here and that is the main thing. I was scared when I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis, I was terrified whilst I was going through the relapse but I once again made it and will live to tell the tale. Having MS has in some ways saved me from myself, I can be self loathing, insecure and destructive, all qualities I wish I didn't have but now I have something to focus my them on and that is the Monster. Getting through this latest fight and getting through it with all of you, my family, friends and everyone around me has made me stronger and is making me happier each day that passes.
I still have an enormous amount of pain to deal with daily, fatigue like you wouldn't believe and the toilet (I will leave it there, save the toilet issues for a rainy day). I am still in a struggle with the Monster but 9 weeks down, through a relapse with no medication, I think we have done well folks, I think I am gearing up in life to deal with just about anything and it is mostly down to you, so thank you.
Night night xxx
Love as aways xxxx
Monday, 20 December 2010
Bad Girl not posting
Hey there folks, apologies for not posting Saturday and Sunday...my bad. I actually thought I would get away with it because folk tend not to read the blog over the weekend but I was wrong, I got lots of hits both days so for those of you who logged on I apologise for being rubbish. Another reason I have not written is I have been a little hormonal, and when I say hormonal I mean The Man has had to talk me down from growing another head and hating the world and everything in it. I must say that he did a marvelous job, I think he deserves a big round of applause.
At the weekend we went down to Engywook and Urgl's as I have mentioned already, we had my Uncles birthday party which was nice. Both my Uncle and Aunty have written books but they have not published them yet, my Uncle's book is a historical novel based around facts and my Aunty's book is a comedy book about cats. There are many things in life I would like to achieve and writing a book is definitely one of them. I know that this is a little odd to say but I would love to write about my life but then on the other hand I am not sure if I would like to read it. I would love to write about my life because throughout my short time on this earth I think I have learnt a lot.
I went through some stuff in my parents garage and brought some of it up to London, amoungst some of these things were a couple of old diaries. In the car on the way home I read some of them to The Man, it is like reading someone elses words but sharing their memories. Do you know that feeling you get when you watch a film you have already seen, you know the ending and you recognise a lot of it? That is exactly what it is like reading my words from the past. The Man says I speak about myself in my past as if it were a different person, as if it maybe someone I knew and I definitely think that. I don't recognise myself sometime when I read the words I wrote. It makes me sad some of the things I have been through, I feel sorry for my past, not myself, my past. I am a completely different person now and I have been a product of my experieces so everything in my life was 1. Created by me, 2.Experieced by me and 3.Taught me who I wanted to be. Being in my current situation seems a million miles away from where I once was but every so often I have to take a minute to remember the girl that I came from.
I know for a 'Pre-blog' this is turning out quite heavy but I honest think that my life right now is amazing. Strange as it might seem considering the past few months and the purpose of this Blog but I do, life just keeps getting better and better. I have the most amazing family, I have true friends that I adore, I have a job that I love coming to, I live in London and have all the opportunities in the world and last but definitely not least I have the most amazing Man in my life that I keep having to pinch myself to make sure he is real.
Saying that I am going to meet him just now, think we are going out for dinner, but I will write again soon (probably later on, to make up for my badness)
xxxx
At the weekend we went down to Engywook and Urgl's as I have mentioned already, we had my Uncles birthday party which was nice. Both my Uncle and Aunty have written books but they have not published them yet, my Uncle's book is a historical novel based around facts and my Aunty's book is a comedy book about cats. There are many things in life I would like to achieve and writing a book is definitely one of them. I know that this is a little odd to say but I would love to write about my life but then on the other hand I am not sure if I would like to read it. I would love to write about my life because throughout my short time on this earth I think I have learnt a lot.
I went through some stuff in my parents garage and brought some of it up to London, amoungst some of these things were a couple of old diaries. In the car on the way home I read some of them to The Man, it is like reading someone elses words but sharing their memories. Do you know that feeling you get when you watch a film you have already seen, you know the ending and you recognise a lot of it? That is exactly what it is like reading my words from the past. The Man says I speak about myself in my past as if it were a different person, as if it maybe someone I knew and I definitely think that. I don't recognise myself sometime when I read the words I wrote. It makes me sad some of the things I have been through, I feel sorry for my past, not myself, my past. I am a completely different person now and I have been a product of my experieces so everything in my life was 1. Created by me, 2.Experieced by me and 3.Taught me who I wanted to be. Being in my current situation seems a million miles away from where I once was but every so often I have to take a minute to remember the girl that I came from.
I know for a 'Pre-blog' this is turning out quite heavy but I honest think that my life right now is amazing. Strange as it might seem considering the past few months and the purpose of this Blog but I do, life just keeps getting better and better. I have the most amazing family, I have true friends that I adore, I have a job that I love coming to, I live in London and have all the opportunities in the world and last but definitely not least I have the most amazing Man in my life that I keep having to pinch myself to make sure he is real.
Saying that I am going to meet him just now, think we are going out for dinner, but I will write again soon (probably later on, to make up for my badness)
xxxx
Friday, 17 December 2010
Urgl and Engywook
Wow! Is what I can say about my day and I honestly think God could feel it too because he unleashed thick snow fall on London and it even settled a little. I had an amazing day, for a start it was a work day and they are my favourite (shut up, I have been off for ages, it’s all still new to me again), I woke up with my amazing man and had a lovely morning with him on the way to work, I had a really productive day and last but not least I am going home to see my Mum and Dad (renamed Urgl and Engywook, I will explain later). So to start todays ramblings off I just want to say WOW!
At work today I had a meeting with a bunch of people and I think we came to the conclusion that changes needed to be made in the BUGS process. After about an hour and a half and came out with some really good things, like I will be sorting my team’s BUGS out and working with all the Dev’s team to make a difference. I am a little nervous about this because I do see some trouble ahead but then hey, that is what it is all about isn’t it, challenge. I really like the opportunity that this opens up as well because it will allow me to get to know the Dev teams and will broaden my understanding of their world. It will also bring me closer to the BA’s (Business Analysts) and improve my understanding of the whole business whilst using the Scrum Master skills I learnt.
In the afternoon we had a Team Retrospective (which I will add some links to explain) and there we found out that there are two major issues that greatly affect the team. It was a good meeting and I hope that everyone got as much out of it as I did. I have walked away from it with a large task to complete but it is something that I feel passionately about so I am looking forward to the challenge. He he he, that is the second time that I have mentioned that word ‘challenge’, starting to wonder if it is me, if I am the one that is ‘challenged’. Planning my time and using all these things as therapy has done me well so far so I hope it continues.
The Man and I are at my Mum and Dads and I am a very happy girl. I should explain the reason why I have renamed my parents ‘Urgl and Engywook’. My dear parents bicker, they don’t argue, they don’t fight and most of the time they don’t even fall out but what they do is bicker. It is hysterical to listen to because it is usually about nothing and neither of them ever seem to win the bicker, but relentlessly they continue. Urgl and Engywook are the two old people in ‘The Neverending Story’, the ones that say ‘it’s your scientific speciality’. I have renamed them with love and I think as time goes on I grow more fond of their bickers. Actually Urgl (Mum) even phones me to tell me about bickers they have had about who is Urgl and who is Engywook, I promise if I were a comedian I think my headliner would be about them.
So I am going to sign off now because I need a cup of hot Chocolate and a cuddle from The Man.
Loves to you all xxxxx
Night night xxxxxxxx
P.S Retrospective link - http://agileretrospectivewiki.org/index.php?title=Main_Page
At work today I had a meeting with a bunch of people and I think we came to the conclusion that changes needed to be made in the BUGS process. After about an hour and a half and came out with some really good things, like I will be sorting my team’s BUGS out and working with all the Dev’s team to make a difference. I am a little nervous about this because I do see some trouble ahead but then hey, that is what it is all about isn’t it, challenge. I really like the opportunity that this opens up as well because it will allow me to get to know the Dev teams and will broaden my understanding of their world. It will also bring me closer to the BA’s (Business Analysts) and improve my understanding of the whole business whilst using the Scrum Master skills I learnt.
In the afternoon we had a Team Retrospective (which I will add some links to explain) and there we found out that there are two major issues that greatly affect the team. It was a good meeting and I hope that everyone got as much out of it as I did. I have walked away from it with a large task to complete but it is something that I feel passionately about so I am looking forward to the challenge. He he he, that is the second time that I have mentioned that word ‘challenge’, starting to wonder if it is me, if I am the one that is ‘challenged’. Planning my time and using all these things as therapy has done me well so far so I hope it continues.
The Man and I are at my Mum and Dads and I am a very happy girl. I should explain the reason why I have renamed my parents ‘Urgl and Engywook’. My dear parents bicker, they don’t argue, they don’t fight and most of the time they don’t even fall out but what they do is bicker. It is hysterical to listen to because it is usually about nothing and neither of them ever seem to win the bicker, but relentlessly they continue. Urgl and Engywook are the two old people in ‘The Neverending Story’, the ones that say ‘it’s your scientific speciality’. I have renamed them with love and I think as time goes on I grow more fond of their bickers. Actually Urgl (Mum) even phones me to tell me about bickers they have had about who is Urgl and who is Engywook, I promise if I were a comedian I think my headliner would be about them.
So I am going to sign off now because I need a cup of hot Chocolate and a cuddle from The Man.
Loves to you all xxxxx
Night night xxxxxxxx
P.S Retrospective link - http://agileretrospectivewiki.org/index.php?title=Main_Page
Thursday, 16 December 2010
What a day
So today has been filled with excitement and now I am tired. I got up with The Man and had breakfast and he went off to work, I got ready and headed out to my appointment, I was getting lasered today (hair removal). It is amazing the amount of pain us women go through just to be attractive to men, and I will tell you something, laser is one of the most painful I have experienced. I know, I know, we do it because we love them but come on folks, we deserve some respect for the amount of effort we have to put in on a daily basis.
So I went from the Laser place to work as I wanted to sort a few things out and organise some things so tomorrow goes smoothly. So I got to work about 11.30. The first thing I wanted to do is try and sort out another course, I know that most people don't use our training budget so I want to take full advantage of it. The course is Programming Foundation -
http://www.qa.com/training-courses/technical-it-training/microsoft/microsoft-visual-studio/microsoft-visual-studio-2010-and-net-framework-4/programming-foundations
It is expensive but my boss said he would sign it off. I really enjoyed being on the Scrum Masters course so I really want to take advantage of any learning I can.
Ahhh, and then I went to see Dr Elrington, and as a neurologist you would possibly imagine that this would not be a great experience having to go and see him but that would be wrong, I love seeing him. Dr Elrington is such an amazing specialist to have, he is incredibly good at his job and he always makes me better whenever I see him. I guess that this is a little strange considering he delivered some of the worst news I have ever received, but it couldn't have been given to me by a better person. I don't want to take medication for a million reasons and he backs me 100%. He told me today that he hoped that he would be strong enough if he ever went through it not to take the meds, and that it is a brave approach to take. He also told me that giving MS suffers medication can be like giving an infertile women contraceptives, in other words, pointless.
Anyway I need to go spend time with The Man because he has been away all night. Love to you all xxx night night xxxx
So I went from the Laser place to work as I wanted to sort a few things out and organise some things so tomorrow goes smoothly. So I got to work about 11.30. The first thing I wanted to do is try and sort out another course, I know that most people don't use our training budget so I want to take full advantage of it. The course is Programming Foundation -
http://www.qa.com/training-courses/technical-it-training/microsoft/microsoft-visual-studio/microsoft-visual-studio-2010-and-net-framework-4/programming-foundations
It is expensive but my boss said he would sign it off. I really enjoyed being on the Scrum Masters course so I really want to take advantage of any learning I can.
Ahhh, and then I went to see Dr Elrington, and as a neurologist you would possibly imagine that this would not be a great experience having to go and see him but that would be wrong, I love seeing him. Dr Elrington is such an amazing specialist to have, he is incredibly good at his job and he always makes me better whenever I see him. I guess that this is a little strange considering he delivered some of the worst news I have ever received, but it couldn't have been given to me by a better person. I don't want to take medication for a million reasons and he backs me 100%. He told me today that he hoped that he would be strong enough if he ever went through it not to take the meds, and that it is a brave approach to take. He also told me that giving MS suffers medication can be like giving an infertile women contraceptives, in other words, pointless.
Anyway I need to go spend time with The Man because he has been away all night. Love to you all xxx night night xxxx
Neurologist Day
I am at work at the moment just taking some extra time to get ready for my full day tomorrow. I have a neurologist appointment today and it is next to work so I thought I would come in for a few hours. I also said I would put the questions that I wanted to ask to neurologist so here we go?
Is there anything I can do to improve my toilet problems?
The spasming is continual and painful will this subside?
I beat this relapse without medication, can a prolonged relapse cause more lasting damage?
The shocks I get have reduced dramatically over the past few weeks but could they cause lasting damage?
When is the time to consider medication? Is there a point where I could be doing more damage than good?
Sight in my right eye has been affected by optic neuritis, what are the chances of the other eye being affected?
I have been having some problems with my eyes that usually last about 1/2 hours, I either get big blind spots or a film over my eyes, is this normal?
Everything tastes sour, is this normal?
Would hypnotherapy work to combat this heavy feeling?
I think that will be my time slot but these are the questions I would like some answers to this time. I will write again later, hopefully with some answers xxx
Is there anything I can do to improve my toilet problems?
The spasming is continual and painful will this subside?
I beat this relapse without medication, can a prolonged relapse cause more lasting damage?
The shocks I get have reduced dramatically over the past few weeks but could they cause lasting damage?
When is the time to consider medication? Is there a point where I could be doing more damage than good?
Sight in my right eye has been affected by optic neuritis, what are the chances of the other eye being affected?
I have been having some problems with my eyes that usually last about 1/2 hours, I either get big blind spots or a film over my eyes, is this normal?
Everything tastes sour, is this normal?
Would hypnotherapy work to combat this heavy feeling?
I think that will be my time slot but these are the questions I would like some answers to this time. I will write again later, hopefully with some answers xxx
To Skelly...Merry Christmas x
God saw u getting tired and a cure was not to be. So he put his arms around u & whispered come with me. With tearful eyes, we watched and saw u pass away. Although we love u dearly, we could not make u stay. A golden heart stopped beating, hard working hands at rest..God broke our hearts to prove to us, he, only takes the BEST. This is someone in heaven u will miss this xmas. xxx
I dedicate this to Skelly, I love and miss him everday, a good friend and a role model to us all.
I dedicate this to Skelly, I love and miss him everday, a good friend and a role model to us all.
Memory Games
Well today has been interesting, it has been a strange one. I thought I was ok, I got up with The Man, had breakfast and planned my day. I thought I could maybe go for a swim, I thought that by going out and doing something active might bring me one step closer to making it into work for another day but I think I am trying to push it a little far. So I am going to have to really try and be patient with myself, it is killing me having to live such a cautious life, but I just have to deal with it for now.
I woke up last night before The Man got home and I honestly thought there was an earthquake, my whole bed was moving, then I had crazy thoughts about someone smashing into our house from next door. It is crazy how the mind interprets things when it is woken. After a about a minute of this intense shaking I realised it wasn't the bed moving me, it was me moving the bed, my whole body was spasming in a sort of vibrating movements coming from my spine. When The Man got home he felt my spine and he could still feel it spasming. So it is confirmed folks, all those previous allegations of me being a massive 'Spaz' are true...I have full body 'Spaz'. **The Man is mumbling disagreements from behind me**
The Man was at a fancy Christmas Do last night, for News International. Although it sounded amazing I am not sure I could behave and hold my tongue surrounded by journalists, seeming I think they are largely responsible for the state of the 'British Spirit'. I would love to have the opportunity to understand the way our Press works, but I am, as we know, opinionated and I think I would quickly get myself into bother. He had a good time though, he saw some really famous people there and I think getting out and boozing is always good for the soul.
[Hello folks, this is The Man here. Sorry for interrupting your reading enjoyment of Jessica's blog, I thought I would interject at this juncture on 'a point of order'. The Christmas do I attended last night was indeed ritzy and full of celebrities (whatever that means). I would like to tell you what I told Miss Webb when I got home last night though. As good as it was, I honestly have more fun in Gosport Asda cafe with Jess :-) . She's a very special person and I absolutely adore being with her, if you haven't already guessed! Anyway, enough from me. I better hand you back to this Blog's righful author! Bye for now. We now return you to your normal programming...]
We found out tonight that our 'Geek' levels are going to soar being together. I love comics, The Man loves comics, I love Sci Fi and so does he. I will not go into too much detail but I think we are going to be enablers for each others geekness. Actually one thing I will let you know is we got excited about text books today, The Man owns a 'Second Edition' and I own the 'First Edition'...sad huh!
We are currently watching 'The Expendable' and I must admit I am finding it difficult to follow, manely because I am babbling to you but even still, my opinion so far is it is like an extreme version of 'Grumpy Old Men'. I love action films and it definitely ticks all the boxes for an action film and the big bonus is it has all your favourite Action stars. Oh, oh, oh it has Arnie in it as well, I thought we had lost him forever to bad politics but he still loves us, he still wants us, and I will tell you something...secretly we all still need him.
So the number I told you I had to remember for the memory game is still going round and round my head
I woke up last night before The Man got home and I honestly thought there was an earthquake, my whole bed was moving, then I had crazy thoughts about someone smashing into our house from next door. It is crazy how the mind interprets things when it is woken. After a about a minute of this intense shaking I realised it wasn't the bed moving me, it was me moving the bed, my whole body was spasming in a sort of vibrating movements coming from my spine. When The Man got home he felt my spine and he could still feel it spasming. So it is confirmed folks, all those previous allegations of me being a massive 'Spaz' are true...I have full body 'Spaz'. **The Man is mumbling disagreements from behind me**
The Man was at a fancy Christmas Do last night, for News International. Although it sounded amazing I am not sure I could behave and hold my tongue surrounded by journalists, seeming I think they are largely responsible for the state of the 'British Spirit'. I would love to have the opportunity to understand the way our Press works, but I am, as we know, opinionated and I think I would quickly get myself into bother. He had a good time though, he saw some really famous people there and I think getting out and boozing is always good for the soul.
[Hello folks, this is The Man here. Sorry for interrupting your reading enjoyment of Jessica's blog, I thought I would interject at this juncture on 'a point of order'. The Christmas do I attended last night was indeed ritzy and full of celebrities (whatever that means). I would like to tell you what I told Miss Webb when I got home last night though. As good as it was, I honestly have more fun in Gosport Asda cafe with Jess :-) . She's a very special person and I absolutely adore being with her, if you haven't already guessed! Anyway, enough from me. I better hand you back to this Blog's righful author! Bye for now. We now return you to your normal programming...]
We found out tonight that our 'Geek' levels are going to soar being together. I love comics, The Man loves comics, I love Sci Fi and so does he. I will not go into too much detail but I think we are going to be enablers for each others geekness. Actually one thing I will let you know is we got excited about text books today, The Man owns a 'Second Edition' and I own the 'First Edition'...sad huh!
We are currently watching 'The Expendable' and I must admit I am finding it difficult to follow, manely because I am babbling to you but even still, my opinion so far is it is like an extreme version of 'Grumpy Old Men'. I love action films and it definitely ticks all the boxes for an action film and the big bonus is it has all your favourite Action stars. Oh, oh, oh it has Arnie in it as well, I thought we had lost him forever to bad politics but he still loves us, he still wants us, and I will tell you something...secretly we all still need him.
So the number I told you I had to remember for the memory game is still going round and round my head
50367440928205767129
I did another test today where you had to look at 20 words and remember them, so here we go
Time, Picture
Tree, Harness
Pipe, Garden
Face, Treacle
Planet, Caterpiller
Clock, Wardrobe
Engine, Necklace
Mouse, Sleep
Ocean, Apple
Book,
Ahhhhhhhh, I can't remember the last one. Bums! Not bad though considering it has been about 14 hours since I looked at them. Right the last one that I couldn't remember was 'Thunder'. I will do better tomorrow, I will not accept anything less than 100% because I believe I can achieve it, and I believe that have MS could make me smarter because I am going to try harder. This might have finally given me the strength and determination to better myself in everyway.
Right I should go and spend some time with The Man because he has been very patient whilst I have been babbling to you. Love to you all, night night xxxx
Tuesday, 14 December 2010
Scrum Master oh yes I am!
I have been on the rest of my course today, the 'Scrum Master' course and I thought it was brilliant. I promised I would add some links so here you go -
I thought the course was delivered well and I definitely found it really interesting and useful. I didn't really like a lot of the other people in the course, they were mostly Project Managers which is weird as the Scrum philosophy is that PM's are not needed. It does have room for a similar role but it isn't as 'middle layer management' as most work place models. The point of 'Scrum' is to simplify things so that everyone is working to their full potential and the product at the end of the project is better than if the 'Waterfall' approach was used . Scrum have 3 ceremonies one of these is a Daily Scrum Meetings (stand ups) where everyone in the team has to ask three questions, 'What I did yesterday', 'what I am working on today', 'did I have any impediments'. I like Scrum because it is very interactive, it is about everyone working together in a team and having pride about the job you are doing.
I have felt ok today, I was very tired most of the day and my Team Lead has told me to take tomorrow off, so that is what I am planning to do. I am impressed that I managed 2 days in a row so I am going to try and do Thursday and Friday. I have the neurologist on Thursday so that will be interesting, first time I will have seen him on the NHS. I am going to have to tell him that I have been to hell and back since we last met but I got through it. I did it without any medication and I am getting stronger everyday. I hope that he can give me some more information, I think I am going to write another set of questions to take with me, I will post them.
The Man is out at the News International's Christmas Party, being a contractor he didn't know if he would be able to go but they told him last thing. I heard there was going to be Page 3 girls there so I think that he will be having a good night. There is also, Alex Zane, Stacey Soloman, Westlife and many more celebrities there so that will be exciting for him. He deserves a good night out after having to look after me over the past few months and with me not being able to enjoy a drink with him. Funny but I miss him when he is not here, we spend so much time together that when we are apart it is a bit like missing a thought. You are going to think I am mad but when we are together I think out load, I run nearly everything past him so it is weird when he isn’t with me in the evenings because I feel like my sense and reason has gone.
Anyway should sleep, been a busy few days and I can feel Monster stirring.
Loves always
Jess xxx
Confession Confession...
It has been a good day, The Man and I got up early doors and headed down to Holborn where my course was, yep thats right the ‘Scrum’ course. It is a course about an agile methodology, this might not mean lots to most of you but when my internet connection stops being so bad I will add some links about the course. It is really interesting, I love the idea, it highlights a few areas within my work place that I want to question and improve and it is making my brain work...all amazing things. The Man has done the course and was my inspiration to do it so I will have to say a massive ‘Thank You’ to him.
Ok I went to watch boobs today with a colleague after the course, in a manky City pub. This is honest and I will not go into details, we were passing time waiting for The Man and decided it would be an interesting hour or two. Judge me on my honesty but take a second giggle at the random events of a Londoner. Please also remember to put this nugget of information in perspective, I have told you about my toilet problems over the past few months and other nasty details, boobs can’t be that shocking. Also one last justification for my random actions, I have boobs myself so I wasn’t that shocked.
I will stop confessing now huh! This honesty thing is mental, I mean I want to keep things from you but I feel obliged to tell you because if I don’t I feel like I am lying to you and if I lie to you then this blog is obsolete, and none of us want that do we? I know that I should maybe not do silly things but I have just been to hell and back and I have decided I want to do everything (within my health restrictions). I want to get to the end of my adventure of life and say, ‘You know what, I lived, I loved and I had a ball’.
This evening we went out with The Man’s Aunty and I must tell you she is lovely. She is interesting, sweet and funny, all the best things you can hope for in a person. We had a lovely meal at ‘Tas’ in Bloomsbury, it is a Turkish restaurant and it was lovely. I had a lovely night and I am really glad I got to met and get to know The Man’s aunty, hopefully we will get to spend more time with her because she only lives down the road from us.
Right must sleep busy day tomorrow.
Loves xxxxxxx
Jess
Ok I went to watch boobs today with a colleague after the course, in a manky City pub. This is honest and I will not go into details, we were passing time waiting for The Man and decided it would be an interesting hour or two. Judge me on my honesty but take a second giggle at the random events of a Londoner. Please also remember to put this nugget of information in perspective, I have told you about my toilet problems over the past few months and other nasty details, boobs can’t be that shocking. Also one last justification for my random actions, I have boobs myself so I wasn’t that shocked.
I will stop confessing now huh! This honesty thing is mental, I mean I want to keep things from you but I feel obliged to tell you because if I don’t I feel like I am lying to you and if I lie to you then this blog is obsolete, and none of us want that do we? I know that I should maybe not do silly things but I have just been to hell and back and I have decided I want to do everything (within my health restrictions). I want to get to the end of my adventure of life and say, ‘You know what, I lived, I loved and I had a ball’.
This evening we went out with The Man’s Aunty and I must tell you she is lovely. She is interesting, sweet and funny, all the best things you can hope for in a person. We had a lovely meal at ‘Tas’ in Bloomsbury, it is a Turkish restaurant and it was lovely. I had a lovely night and I am really glad I got to met and get to know The Man’s aunty, hopefully we will get to spend more time with her because she only lives down the road from us.
Right must sleep busy day tomorrow.
Loves xxxxxxx
Jess
Monday, 13 December 2010
Sunday Night Christmas Meal
The Man, Jess and I (I am not talking about me in the 3rd person, my housemate is also called Jess) had a cook off, between us we made: hot mince pies & brandy cream, smoked salmon on wheaten bread with lemon juice and pepper, haggis, neeps & tatties with roast veggies and apple, blackberry & raspberry with clotted cream. It was a feast and a half and excellently executed by us all I think. Eating we had 9 people, Chez, Kate, Adam, Lachy, Jess, Cassius, Daisy, The Man and I. It was a lovely relaxing evening, watching the X Factor final, wow we all had different opinions about the results, but my favourite of the night won so I am happy
Matt singing with Rihanna - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bapihus_5oc
Matt's first single - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEYgxiJtS44
I am awake which I shouldn't be so I am going to tell you one nugget of information and then I am going to sleep. The other day I started doing another load of memory games, one of them asked me to remember a twenty digit number and I can still remember it. The test was to look at it for 3 minutes and then shut the book and try to recall it, I did it first time and I can still remember the number
Matt singing with Rihanna - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bapihus_5oc
Matt's first single - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iEYgxiJtS44
I am awake which I shouldn't be so I am going to tell you one nugget of information and then I am going to sleep. The other day I started doing another load of memory games, one of them asked me to remember a twenty digit number and I can still remember it. The test was to look at it for 3 minutes and then shut the book and try to recall it, I did it first time and I can still remember the number
50367440928205767129
I know it might not seem too impressive to anyone else but keeping my brain ticking is so important to me because Monster will take it if I am not careful and that terrifies me so need to keep going.
Lastly I have spoken to both Neils in my life tonight and they have equal power at making me smile. My eldest brother Neil is a rock in our family, strong, steady and always makes everything better and Neil C, a childhood friend that I honestly can't put into words how I feel about him. Neil C has been through most of the important years in my life and has always stayed true to me, always there when I need him, always just the same from the last time I saw him and always able to keep me safe and make me smile. For these two people alone I am an incredibly lucky girl.
And with that I am off too sleep got a 'Scrum Course' tomorrow, no sarcy comments now, I will tell you what it is tomorrow.
Loves xxxx
Jess
Saturday, 11 December 2010
Shocker...X factor
I am shocked, yes I am talking about X Factor, but Cher didn't go through. I am not a massive fan of her music but I do think she should have got through. I think from her confidence tonight it is obvious that she has already signed a record deal with Will.i.am. I wish her all the best and hope that Matt now wins. I don't like Rebecca, I know that it is a bit bad saying that because she does have an amazing voice but I personally don't think I could listen to her for an entire album or ever pay to go and see her. Matt I would pay to see and One Direction will do well with all the little girls following them.
I should maybe not bleat on about X Factor because some of you don't have a clue what I am talking about, some of you will never have heard of the X Factor and some of you will just simply think I am incredibly sad. Actually I will add some clips of the people I have been talking about so you get it, it is a music competition in Britain.
Cher - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xqIdFU0TRg&feature=channel
Matt - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uR6iwgTmvys
One Direction - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uR6iwgTmvys
Rebecca - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVnte-jnoMI
Anyway, enough of all that malarky and back to life. I was gutted I didn't make work on Friday and that Andy and Katie left to go home to Oz for Crimbo so The Man and I had another amazing day together. I love that the most mundane tasks are still great when I am with him. I am a little hormonal, crampy, spine a little achy and tattoo causing some jib but still The Man makes me smile, holds my hands and everything seems better. We did a little shopping, The Man bought me 2 dresses...yes I know I am spoilt but would you complain if it was you? No I didn't think so huh! We went for a curry at Masala Zone, and I would definitely recommend it. We had Thali, which is lots of little pots of curry and it was amazing.
That brings me to tonight where we watched X Factor, with Lachy and Jess (our housemates). I am currently waiting for Kate to come home so I can make her a cup of tea. I haven't seen her in a while and I am worried she is working herself silly. Think we could both do with a natter. So I will love you and leave you tonight and write again tomorrow.
Love to you all
Night night
J xxxx
I should maybe not bleat on about X Factor because some of you don't have a clue what I am talking about, some of you will never have heard of the X Factor and some of you will just simply think I am incredibly sad. Actually I will add some clips of the people I have been talking about so you get it, it is a music competition in Britain.
Cher - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xqIdFU0TRg&feature=channel
Matt - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uR6iwgTmvys
One Direction - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uR6iwgTmvys
Rebecca - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LVnte-jnoMI
Anyway, enough of all that malarky and back to life. I was gutted I didn't make work on Friday and that Andy and Katie left to go home to Oz for Crimbo so The Man and I had another amazing day together. I love that the most mundane tasks are still great when I am with him. I am a little hormonal, crampy, spine a little achy and tattoo causing some jib but still The Man makes me smile, holds my hands and everything seems better. We did a little shopping, The Man bought me 2 dresses...yes I know I am spoilt but would you complain if it was you? No I didn't think so huh! We went for a curry at Masala Zone, and I would definitely recommend it. We had Thali, which is lots of little pots of curry and it was amazing.
That brings me to tonight where we watched X Factor, with Lachy and Jess (our housemates). I am currently waiting for Kate to come home so I can make her a cup of tea. I haven't seen her in a while and I am worried she is working herself silly. Think we could both do with a natter. So I will love you and leave you tonight and write again tomorrow.
Love to you all
Night night
J xxxx
Friday, 10 December 2010
Silly, silly me
I completely over did it last night and I have paid the price for it today, and wow it hurt. I had a day in bed today, I simply could not move which was a complete bummer but it was a lesson learnt, I am not better yet and I need to take things slowly. I guess in a way it is a good thing when my body completely implodes on me because it reminds me not to push it too far.
I got up and walked down to the tube to meet The Man from work, it is amazing how he can make me instantly better. I am a very luck girl to have someone like him in my life and I know that I always bleat on about it but I guess I just want you all to know how important he is to me. We went to Saino's and bought some Thai crab cakes and some other goodies, ooh, Key Lime Pie (my first time and wow!). We potter about, I made dinner and although I am still in pain it was good to cook dinner for The Man.
Dougie from Mcfly came round to see Andy and Katie tonight which was nice. I thought he wouldn't be round much now that our housemate Ryan had left to go back to Oz so it was really good to see him. I asked him if he could right a wee card to Jasmine and her friend Corrie so he did that for me. He is such a lovely guy, he is really genuine which I did not expect considering he has been famous for the last 7/8 years. We actually watched him in a Hollywood film the other night. Anyway, it was lovely to see him and I hope it wasn't the last.
I got up and walked down to the tube to meet The Man from work, it is amazing how he can make me instantly better. I am a very luck girl to have someone like him in my life and I know that I always bleat on about it but I guess I just want you all to know how important he is to me. We went to Saino's and bought some Thai crab cakes and some other goodies, ooh, Key Lime Pie (my first time and wow!). We potter about, I made dinner and although I am still in pain it was good to cook dinner for The Man.
Dougie from Mcfly came round to see Andy and Katie tonight which was nice. I thought he wouldn't be round much now that our housemate Ryan had left to go back to Oz so it was really good to see him. I asked him if he could right a wee card to Jasmine and her friend Corrie so he did that for me. He is such a lovely guy, he is really genuine which I did not expect considering he has been famous for the last 7/8 years. We actually watched him in a Hollywood film the other night. Anyway, it was lovely to see him and I hope it wasn't the last.
a
Andy and Katie are heading back to Oz for Crimbo tomorrow morning so tonight is a little sad as they will be gone over the Christmas period, good for them though so I am happy for them as well.
I am going to head off just now and go wrap some pressies, I love Christmas, simply because I love buying gifts for people. So night night for now people.
Love you all xxxx
Thursday, 9 December 2010
Pete/Hopey
I am just off to meet my wonderful friend Pete/Hopey, the reason it is a stroke is he dresses as a women even though he has no intention of being a women.
Pete being Pete
Beautiful HopeyPete/Hopey is one of my best friends and I love spending time with him, so I am very excited to get to see him tonight. It means I am going to have to shoot off but I just wanted to let you know what I am up to today. I have had a quiet day with The Man, he worked 19 hours yesterday so he is pooped. We went for a stroll, got some pressies and got coffee at the 'Cuban Bar'.
I will try and write later but need to go just now xxx
Loves xxxx
Pete being Pete
Beautiful HopeyI will try and write later but need to go just now xxx
Loves xxxx
Wednesday, 8 December 2010
Beer and Pizza Wednesday
It has become some what of a tradition in our London home to have beer and pizza on Wednesday nights. The tradition was started with Adam (longest member of the 110 crew), he is a unique character, Yorkshire man through and through. Tonight we are venturing out to Pizza Express, well the ladies are because there is a football match on so I think it is mostly the girls. The Man has to work through the night so I am home alone, so going out for dinner will be nice.
I have been working all day and I am actually still here because our internet at home is total poo so I thought I would write to you before I go home for the day. I have had a productive day which is all I can really ask for at the moment. When I get here in the mornings it is a bit of a mental battle to block out the pain so I can work. Once I am here though I can usually make it through the day which is all I have wanted. I get excited about this whole weird and wonderful thing called life, I love being up on my feet and in charge of my own destiny. Everyday I have something new to be thankful for and that is an amazing feeling.
Right I am going to go because I can't concentrate in the office, but I will try and write a little later. Loves xxx
I have been working all day and I am actually still here because our internet at home is total poo so I thought I would write to you before I go home for the day. I have had a productive day which is all I can really ask for at the moment. When I get here in the mornings it is a bit of a mental battle to block out the pain so I can work. Once I am here though I can usually make it through the day which is all I have wanted. I get excited about this whole weird and wonderful thing called life, I love being up on my feet and in charge of my own destiny. Everyday I have something new to be thankful for and that is an amazing feeling.
Right I am going to go because I can't concentrate in the office, but I will try and write a little later. Loves xxx
Apologies in advance
I have had an okay day today all things considered really, I always waken up with pain and discomfort but this morning The Man was so unbelievably lovely to me and brought me breakfast in bed. I actually woke up and he was gone but his work bag was still by my door so I was all confused and missed him, wriggling in pain I was sad but then he appeared like my knight in shining armour again. I am a very lucky girl for having him in my life, not many men would have stuck by someone when they got ill, sorry boys but if your honest with yourselves it’s true. He was there with me when I first got diagnosed and he has stayed by my side ever since, I think in many ways he has given me strength to fight the Monster and my recovery has a lot to do with him (and my family...and of course Mogs).
I will admit something on here that is going to get me in trouble with my family but I will explain first of all. I have many tattoos, I have -
One on my neck (back of my neck I have the eye of Horus)
One in between my shoulder blades
On my left forearm I have a tribal pattern that signifies the sea that took my brother away from me (Paul went to see when I was 11 and now lives abroad)
On my left wrist I have ‘and back again’ which is half of a saying I share with an old friend
On my right arm I have a butterfly
On the bottom of my back I have ‘Dear Elizabeth’ (in honour of my diary)
I have 3 Stars on my right thigh which signifies my three brothers
On my foot I have the Goddess holding up the three moons, waxing, waning and full.
I love everyone of my tattoos because they are appear of me, they are the marks of my life that make me remember who I am. I know other people don’t like tattoos and I completely respect that, I would say to anyone who asked my advice to think long and hard about getting one because they are permanent marks of what is often temporary insanity (got that nugget of wisdom from a saying so no I can not take credit for it). I do not want to be the painted lady and there are places of my body that I will never have tattooed , such as my upper arms, my calves (legs not baby cows), obviously my face, front of neck, chest and hands, but there are places that I have tattooed for me. I know that my poor parents don’t like me being tattooed and I respect their views but when I look in the mirror and see my tattoos it makes me smile, they are me and I am them. I used to be pierced all over as well but I have removed all my piercings, started because of my MRI scans but then I saw my face and for the first time in years I liked what I saw. I hide behind my piercings, my tattoos are different, they are for no one else but me, they are mine, they are little bits of colour that I wake up to and they instantly brighten up my day.
So the big revealer is...I got a tattoo on my left thigh. Sorry folks but I promised to be honest and even if that means disappointing you a little I am sorry. I got bubbles going up my left thigh, they will be hidden from the world because the only time I ever get my legs out is when I go swimming and then I don’t think people are judging my tattoos, my fat arse on the other hand and yep, I would have to agree with them. The inspiration behind the bubbles was my amazingly gorgeous niece and fantastically handsome nephews. Their names appear in the bubbles and there is room for some additions if anyone in the family has another one. No one has to see my new additions but it means I can carry my nieces and nephews with me everywhere I go and it will remind me everyday to become the best person I can be for their sakes, I want to be the best Aunty I can be to them and I want each of them to know exactly how much their Aunty Jess loves them.
Through out my life I am positive that I will make decisions that I later decided were bad but I all I can do is ask that you bare with me. I know that throughout my life story we will not agree on everything but that is what makes us who we are. The last point that I will make regarding the new addition is it also marks the beginning of Jess & Monster, it is now that we learn to live together and live peacefully. I have so many things I want to do and I think that without Monster I might never have wanted to do, here are some of those things
Swim the Solent (Gosport to the Isle of Wight)
Raise money each year in a big way for charity
Volunteer at Christmas in homeless shelters (missed this Christmas but signing up for next year)
Write a book
Take a poetry course
Learn a language
Have children (one day, don’t panic)
Learn to program (more than ever now)
So there are some of the things I guess there will be many more.
Need to sleep now. Loves to everyone xxxxx
I will admit something on here that is going to get me in trouble with my family but I will explain first of all. I have many tattoos, I have -
One on my neck (back of my neck I have the eye of Horus)
One in between my shoulder blades
On my left forearm I have a tribal pattern that signifies the sea that took my brother away from me (Paul went to see when I was 11 and now lives abroad)
On my left wrist I have ‘and back again’ which is half of a saying I share with an old friend
On my right arm I have a butterfly
On the bottom of my back I have ‘Dear Elizabeth’ (in honour of my diary)
I have 3 Stars on my right thigh which signifies my three brothers
On my foot I have the Goddess holding up the three moons, waxing, waning and full.
I love everyone of my tattoos because they are appear of me, they are the marks of my life that make me remember who I am. I know other people don’t like tattoos and I completely respect that, I would say to anyone who asked my advice to think long and hard about getting one because they are permanent marks of what is often temporary insanity (got that nugget of wisdom from a saying so no I can not take credit for it). I do not want to be the painted lady and there are places of my body that I will never have tattooed , such as my upper arms, my calves (legs not baby cows), obviously my face, front of neck, chest and hands, but there are places that I have tattooed for me. I know that my poor parents don’t like me being tattooed and I respect their views but when I look in the mirror and see my tattoos it makes me smile, they are me and I am them. I used to be pierced all over as well but I have removed all my piercings, started because of my MRI scans but then I saw my face and for the first time in years I liked what I saw. I hide behind my piercings, my tattoos are different, they are for no one else but me, they are mine, they are little bits of colour that I wake up to and they instantly brighten up my day.
So the big revealer is...I got a tattoo on my left thigh. Sorry folks but I promised to be honest and even if that means disappointing you a little I am sorry. I got bubbles going up my left thigh, they will be hidden from the world because the only time I ever get my legs out is when I go swimming and then I don’t think people are judging my tattoos, my fat arse on the other hand and yep, I would have to agree with them. The inspiration behind the bubbles was my amazingly gorgeous niece and fantastically handsome nephews. Their names appear in the bubbles and there is room for some additions if anyone in the family has another one. No one has to see my new additions but it means I can carry my nieces and nephews with me everywhere I go and it will remind me everyday to become the best person I can be for their sakes, I want to be the best Aunty I can be to them and I want each of them to know exactly how much their Aunty Jess loves them.
Through out my life I am positive that I will make decisions that I later decided were bad but I all I can do is ask that you bare with me. I know that throughout my life story we will not agree on everything but that is what makes us who we are. The last point that I will make regarding the new addition is it also marks the beginning of Jess & Monster, it is now that we learn to live together and live peacefully. I have so many things I want to do and I think that without Monster I might never have wanted to do, here are some of those things
Swim the Solent (Gosport to the Isle of Wight)
Raise money each year in a big way for charity
Volunteer at Christmas in homeless shelters (missed this Christmas but signing up for next year)
Write a book
Take a poetry course
Learn a language
Have children (one day, don’t panic)
Learn to program (more than ever now)
So there are some of the things I guess there will be many more.
Need to sleep now. Loves to everyone xxxxx
Tuesday, 7 December 2010
Start The Week The Right Way
So tonight has been a lovely night, The Man came and got me from work and we headed back to Camden. We went to the supermarket and got some Ravioli and garlic bread for me to cook. Everyone was kicking about the house so that was nice, I feel at home in my Camden Palace, 110 crew have become another family for me and now the Man living here as well everything is perfect. It has been a real comfort to know that he is just in the other room but we have our own pockets in the world. I love him to bits but me being me finds it hard to trust men, I made the decision a while ago that there were only a few safe men in my life and they are the most important but since meeting The Man my views seem to have changed...for the better.
I think I am incredibly lucky because I have so many amazing people in my life and those people bring more amazing people into my life. Just look at The Man, he brought his Dad who I think the absolute world of and I am sure his wife will be just as amazing so by one connection I have already increased my circle by 2. If I remind myself of this everyday it mean the occasions when someone comes into my life that upsets the balance I can better deal with these people. I think I have mentioned that there are very few people come into my life that I have difficulty with, I mean I can usually get on with just about anyone but there are occasions when some comes into my bubble and upsets the balance.
Everyday that passes I feel luckier and luckier, I have so much to be grateful for. Although I have to battle with the Monster on a daily basis I am determined to turn this whole experience into something good. I am determined to make my Multiple Sclerosis something that has changed my life for the better and that is going to take some doing but I think I already have the foundations, I have you.
Night night for now folks
Loves xxx
I think I am incredibly lucky because I have so many amazing people in my life and those people bring more amazing people into my life. Just look at The Man, he brought his Dad who I think the absolute world of and I am sure his wife will be just as amazing so by one connection I have already increased my circle by 2. If I remind myself of this everyday it mean the occasions when someone comes into my life that upsets the balance I can better deal with these people. I think I have mentioned that there are very few people come into my life that I have difficulty with, I mean I can usually get on with just about anyone but there are occasions when some comes into my bubble and upsets the balance.
Everyday that passes I feel luckier and luckier, I have so much to be grateful for. Although I have to battle with the Monster on a daily basis I am determined to turn this whole experience into something good. I am determined to make my Multiple Sclerosis something that has changed my life for the better and that is going to take some doing but I think I already have the foundations, I have you.
Night night for now folks
Loves xxx
Monday, 6 December 2010
Work today, rest tomorrow
So I am here at work today and I am off tomorrow for a recovery day, which is good because today I have found it particularly tough, but enjoyable. I am loving being back at work but I still feel like it kicks it out of me. I have had an ok day work wise, I have got a reasonable amount done concentrating on my Pomodoro's so that has been cool. I have felt sick most of the day because of my spine but I guess I have to accept that and smile because I am a million times better than I was just a few weeks ago. I have a lovely chat with my Boss today, it was great seeing him, and everyone else that I didn't see last Thursday.
This is just a short post because The Man has just left his work to come and get me from mine and help me home. Don't worry, it is on his way to the station, I am not a massive bitch. He works in Wapping and I work in Poplar so it is on the way to Aldgate East. I am also cooking him dinner tonight so I will try and look after him like he looks after me, which will be tough because he is an absolute saint looking after me. Anyway better get going but I will probably write again after dinner xxxxx
This is just a short post because The Man has just left his work to come and get me from mine and help me home. Don't worry, it is on his way to the station, I am not a massive bitch. He works in Wapping and I work in Poplar so it is on the way to Aldgate East. I am also cooking him dinner tonight so I will try and look after him like he looks after me, which will be tough because he is an absolute saint looking after me. Anyway better get going but I will probably write again after dinner xxxxx
Reindeer Poo...
So yesterday was an extremely busy day, filled with amazing time with the Man, going of to my team leads party, watching Xfactor and seeing my favourite comedian of all time, Glenn Wool. I had seen much of his routine before on youtube but you can always tell an amazing comedian when they can deliver the same sketch and still make you laugh like it was the first time. We went to the comedy with the 110 kids, Chez, Katie, Andy, Adam, Jessie and Lachy, nights out with the kids is always fun. We got back and did our secret santa which was brilliant, I got some Reindeer poo, princess face cloth and a small bottle of Pinot and the Man got a Thor (Marvel Comic’s) mug and a badge.
It was important to me to go out walking and I have actually discovered that walking is a little easier and better than before I got really sick. My feet still drop but not as badly as the lead up to me being really ill. I feel that, by brave facing this disease, by staying true to my beliefs, staying away from the medication, this whole experience has done me some good. I have learnt a lot about myself, those around me and also my own capability at dealing with things. I always thought that I was a bit of a failure in my life (don’t panic this will be short and no, I am not attempting to pull on the heart strings), what I mean is I have never dealt with things well in life, I spent a lot of time finding ways of running away from myself, so this whole experience has taught me not to run, that I can deal with things and even better I can succeed against the odds. I feel mentally stronger than I have ever felt, I feel like I can tackle more than I thought, I feel more like a whole person now finally.
Planning for the future has been on my mind loads lately, doing my credit rating was important for me and now I am going to work on improving it. I will tell you something now that I probably shouldn’t but hey I will because fair is fair...I have been unbelievably broody, now don’t worry I am not about to do anything crazy. Since I started to feel better and seeing Harry I have all these strange feelings and thoughts, it is mental because I have never been maternal before and I have never even wanted children before. The Man has been lovely as ever and isn’t freaked out about this whole phase I appear to be going through. I think one of the reasons for these feelings is being ill and then getting better, I think in my head I would like to have children while I can because my life is so unpredictable now. I am definitely not thinking of having any, anytime soon but in the future I think I would like to, and if I am really lucky maybe, just maybe the Man will be around.
Right I am off to bed now, I have work tomorrow and it is the first time I will see my Boss. I am looking forward to work and I am also looking forward to seeing what effect the day will have on me. So goodnight for now, I will write again tomorrow.
Loves
Jess xxxx
It was important to me to go out walking and I have actually discovered that walking is a little easier and better than before I got really sick. My feet still drop but not as badly as the lead up to me being really ill. I feel that, by brave facing this disease, by staying true to my beliefs, staying away from the medication, this whole experience has done me some good. I have learnt a lot about myself, those around me and also my own capability at dealing with things. I always thought that I was a bit of a failure in my life (don’t panic this will be short and no, I am not attempting to pull on the heart strings), what I mean is I have never dealt with things well in life, I spent a lot of time finding ways of running away from myself, so this whole experience has taught me not to run, that I can deal with things and even better I can succeed against the odds. I feel mentally stronger than I have ever felt, I feel like I can tackle more than I thought, I feel more like a whole person now finally.
Planning for the future has been on my mind loads lately, doing my credit rating was important for me and now I am going to work on improving it. I will tell you something now that I probably shouldn’t but hey I will because fair is fair...I have been unbelievably broody, now don’t worry I am not about to do anything crazy. Since I started to feel better and seeing Harry I have all these strange feelings and thoughts, it is mental because I have never been maternal before and I have never even wanted children before. The Man has been lovely as ever and isn’t freaked out about this whole phase I appear to be going through. I think one of the reasons for these feelings is being ill and then getting better, I think in my head I would like to have children while I can because my life is so unpredictable now. I am definitely not thinking of having any, anytime soon but in the future I think I would like to, and if I am really lucky maybe, just maybe the Man will be around.
Right I am off to bed now, I have work tomorrow and it is the first time I will see my Boss. I am looking forward to work and I am also looking forward to seeing what effect the day will have on me. So goodnight for now, I will write again tomorrow.
Loves
Jess xxxx
Saturday, 4 December 2010
Over estimated my abilities slightly
Although I had an amazing day yesterday, walking down to the tube, going to work, going for lunch, walking back home from the tube and seeing some of my housemates, I definitely over did it. I think I am better than I am at the moment and I am so eager to get back to my life I am pushing a little too hard. I had a bit of a painful night and woke up completely exhausted this morning, I couldn't even speak to the Man properly. He left me sleeping and called me at 9 to waken me, I was going to work from home but I couldn't sit up, the pain down my spine was excruciating, my left leg was spasming loads and my neck felt ready to snap. I lay there feeling a little defeated but then I tried to remind myself what an achievement yesterday was, how far I have come. I might not be completely better yet but I am getting there, day by day I am getting stronger.
I had a rough day today but I set myself the goal to walk to the station to meet the Man from work. It is about 0.4 of a mile so not too far but a big deal for me, and it is tiring for me walking anywhere because every step takes concentration and every step hurts a little. I have to do this though, I have to get out and about even if it hurts because this is life and the Monster will not take my freedom away from me. I walked down to the station without Dotty, she was in my bag but I free walked. I have decided that Dotty although helps me in so many ways, might actually hinder me sometimes, I have decided the next stage to my recovery I need to learn to walk without her, so that is what I am going to do.
My Mum commented to my blog yesterday but it emailed it to me instead so I thought I would add it into this post, to show you the love, support and belief she gives me, I don't think I would have made it this far without everyone around me encouraging me, believing in me and loving me.
'That's my girl, the world is your oyster; and with your courage and determination you'll have it all. Love you xx '
I thought I would add some of the plans I have made for the next stages of my recovery, I still need to check with my boss that this is ok so fingers crossed. I thought of asking him if next week I could work Monday, Wednesday, Friday and take Tuesday and Thursday as rest days, then the next week go in those days and work one of the days from home and so on until I am back in work all 5 days. I know one of my problems at the moment is I think I can do things but physically I can't and I need to ensure I don't put myself back.
Ohh, I should tell you about our house Secret Santa, I love Crimbo in my house because as there is 10 of us it is always exciting. While I was away my house mate Ryan left and went back to Australia, I was sad to miss his leaving do but I am hoping to get to Oz soon to see my cousin and my Pruesy. We have 2 new house mates, Lachy and Jess, they are from New Zealand and seem lovely, they seem to have fitted in well to our dysfunctional London family. Sunday we give out the pressies, we are all going out to Comedy on Saturday night so that will be really cool, it is one of my favourite comedians, Glenn Wool, look him up, if you don't laugh SHAME ON YOU!
Right am going now cause its 00.26 and I am tired, feeling better and want to drift off to sleep and have happy dreams about the future. Loves to you all xxx speak to you tomorrow xxx
I had a rough day today but I set myself the goal to walk to the station to meet the Man from work. It is about 0.4 of a mile so not too far but a big deal for me, and it is tiring for me walking anywhere because every step takes concentration and every step hurts a little. I have to do this though, I have to get out and about even if it hurts because this is life and the Monster will not take my freedom away from me. I walked down to the station without Dotty, she was in my bag but I free walked. I have decided that Dotty although helps me in so many ways, might actually hinder me sometimes, I have decided the next stage to my recovery I need to learn to walk without her, so that is what I am going to do.
My Mum commented to my blog yesterday but it emailed it to me instead so I thought I would add it into this post, to show you the love, support and belief she gives me, I don't think I would have made it this far without everyone around me encouraging me, believing in me and loving me.
'That's my girl, the world is your oyster; and with your courage and determination you'll have it all. Love you xx '
I thought I would add some of the plans I have made for the next stages of my recovery, I still need to check with my boss that this is ok so fingers crossed. I thought of asking him if next week I could work Monday, Wednesday, Friday and take Tuesday and Thursday as rest days, then the next week go in those days and work one of the days from home and so on until I am back in work all 5 days. I know one of my problems at the moment is I think I can do things but physically I can't and I need to ensure I don't put myself back.
Ohh, I should tell you about our house Secret Santa, I love Crimbo in my house because as there is 10 of us it is always exciting. While I was away my house mate Ryan left and went back to Australia, I was sad to miss his leaving do but I am hoping to get to Oz soon to see my cousin and my Pruesy. We have 2 new house mates, Lachy and Jess, they are from New Zealand and seem lovely, they seem to have fitted in well to our dysfunctional London family. Sunday we give out the pressies, we are all going out to Comedy on Saturday night so that will be really cool, it is one of my favourite comedians, Glenn Wool, look him up, if you don't laugh SHAME ON YOU!
Right am going now cause its 00.26 and I am tired, feeling better and want to drift off to sleep and have happy dreams about the future. Loves to you all xxx speak to you tomorrow xxx
Thursday, 2 December 2010
Who went to Work today....yes I did, I did, I did, I di i id!
Thats right folks you are reading the next phase of my recovery plan and I am loving every second of it people, I am back at work. Everything has been leading up to this day and it has finally arrived and I did it, I walked down to the tube, went through the hectic tube system, up to work and did a full day in the office. What made today even more special is the fact that it is snowing London and as every the city has ground to a halt, most people didn't get to work so the simple fact I did I am a very happy girl. I know that people will think I am mad to put so much hope and pressure into getting back to work but it means a lot to me.
It was lovely to see everyone in the office and I even got hugs from some people who don't usually hug anyone so I feel honoured. I figured out today that work is an escape from your real life, it is somewhere that we 'have' to go but instead of being an inconvenience (which I know a lot of people think of work as) it is a time to escape into a world that has to have structure and make sense. I don't mean that it all makes sense, I work in Support so not much really makes sense there but it does have structure. It is somewhere that rules and routines are critical, it is a safe place.
I am excited about the future, I am excited about what this experience has taught me and I am happy to be me.
Night night folks xxxx
It was lovely to see everyone in the office and I even got hugs from some people who don't usually hug anyone so I feel honoured. I figured out today that work is an escape from your real life, it is somewhere that we 'have' to go but instead of being an inconvenience (which I know a lot of people think of work as) it is a time to escape into a world that has to have structure and make sense. I don't mean that it all makes sense, I work in Support so not much really makes sense there but it does have structure. It is somewhere that rules and routines are critical, it is a safe place.
I am excited about the future, I am excited about what this experience has taught me and I am happy to be me.
Night night folks xxxx
Time is on my side
One of my favourite songs by The Rolling Stones, I feel like it is a description of my life, time has definitely been on my side over the years and for this I will always be grateful.
TIME IS ON MY SIDE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVObzBFpIFU
(Meade)
Time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is
Now you always say
That you want to be free
But you'll come running back (said you would baby)
You'll come running back (I said so many times before)
You'll come running back to me
Oh, time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is
You're searching for good times
But just wait and see
You'll come running back (I won't have to worry no more)
You'll come running back (spend the rest of my life with you, baby)
You'll come running back to me
Go ahead, go ahead and light up the town
And baby, do everything your heart desires
Remember, I'll always be around
And I know, I know
Like I told you so many times before
You're gonna come back, baby
'Cause I know
You're gonna come back knocking
Yeah, knocking right on my door
Yes, yes!
Well, time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is
'Cause I got the real love
The kind that you need
You'll come running back (said you would, baby)
You'll come running back (I always said you would)
You'll come running back, to me
Yes time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Oh, time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
I said, time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Oh, time, time, time is on my side
Yeah, time, time, time is on my side
TIME IS ON MY SIDE http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rVObzBFpIFU
(Meade)
Time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is
Now you always say
That you want to be free
But you'll come running back (said you would baby)
You'll come running back (I said so many times before)
You'll come running back to me
Oh, time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is
You're searching for good times
But just wait and see
You'll come running back (I won't have to worry no more)
You'll come running back (spend the rest of my life with you, baby)
You'll come running back to me
Go ahead, go ahead and light up the town
And baby, do everything your heart desires
Remember, I'll always be around
And I know, I know
Like I told you so many times before
You're gonna come back, baby
'Cause I know
You're gonna come back knocking
Yeah, knocking right on my door
Yes, yes!
Well, time is on my side, yes it is
Time is on my side, yes it is
'Cause I got the real love
The kind that you need
You'll come running back (said you would, baby)
You'll come running back (I always said you would)
You'll come running back, to me
Yes time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Oh, time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
I said, time, time, time is on my side, yes it is
Oh, time, time, time is on my side
Yeah, time, time, time is on my side
Wednesday, 1 December 2010
Home safe and sound
Today has been a big day for me, well to be honest the last two days have been big because we flew back from Boston to London over night and it usually upsets my whole rhythm for a few days but, I feel good. Actually I also went for a walk tonight to Sainsbury's with the Man, which is longer than I have walked for the past 2 months so I am very very excited, it is 0.3 miles there and back so I would say with the walk around the supermarket I may nearly have walked a mile.
I was very very sad to leave everyone in America but it is only about 241 sleeps till we will see each other again so I am refusing to be sad about leaving, I am just going to focus on seeing them again soon. The Man and I might try and go over in July so it might not even be 241 sleeps. Good huh, and yes, I have got to the grand age of 28 and still count things in sleeps, childish, maybe, effective, definitely.
Right I am going to sign off for now because it is the big day tomorrow, I am going back to work YYEAAAAAA! I am so excited, which means I am going to have to try and settle myself or I will not sleep and tomorrow will be more painful than it is going to be already. So I bid you good night xxx.
I was very very sad to leave everyone in America but it is only about 241 sleeps till we will see each other again so I am refusing to be sad about leaving, I am just going to focus on seeing them again soon. The Man and I might try and go over in July so it might not even be 241 sleeps. Good huh, and yes, I have got to the grand age of 28 and still count things in sleeps, childish, maybe, effective, definitely.
Right I am going to sign off for now because it is the big day tomorrow, I am going back to work YYEAAAAAA! I am so excited, which means I am going to have to try and settle myself or I will not sleep and tomorrow will be more painful than it is going to be already. So I bid you good night xxx.
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