Sometimes it is tough to know if anyone reads my random words and if anyone finds comfort in them. I know that if anyone reads this Blog and has MS it doesn't make our experiences the same but I hope that it does make sense to them. I find that life often happens around me because I have this to deal with but I also find that it is because I allow it to be like that. I am hoping to go back to work on the 3rd of January after a total of 12 consecutive weeks off and this is going to throw me back into a life that I have craved for every second of that time. I know that I will have challenges that I will have to over come but I know that I can. I will be going in to relearn everything that once came to me like second nature but I will relearn it and I will strive to be better than the me before MS.
MS has changed every aspect of my life, it has transformed me into a person I could never have imagined in my past. Saying this, I like the person I am now, I am different from my peers, I am different in ways that some will never know about but I am confident that I have a strength in me that you only get when you are faced with a disease like MS. MS might have taken things away from me but MS has given me something I never would have believed possible...Inner Strength, Self Belief, Will Power, Determination and Gratitude. Life for me is about to begin again and I am ready.
Having time off from your life gives you time to think, gives you time to re-group and time to learn. I have had time to think about me and about those I love. I have re-grouped my priorities, my aspirations and my dreams. I have learnt that I can learn new skills even when pain, discomfort and poor concentration works against me. I am a stronger person for all of these things and I am a happier person inside.
I just wanted to share some of the hope that I am feeling at the moment. Every day I face the following problems -
Spasms
Head Pain
Drop Foot (difficulty walking)
Hand pain and dexerity problems
Heat control problem
Eye Pain
Anxiety Attacks
Toilet troubles
but even with these problems I know that my life is 100% better than some. I hate the expression 'their are lots of people worse off than you' but I have come to find peace in the statement. Sometimes it doesn't matter so much to you when you are weighed down with your own problems but I have found belief in my ability to think 'my life is better because I work towards it being better'. I guess something that I want to get across is that these things won't get better on there own.
Saturday, 31 December 2011
Thursday, 22 December 2011
Todays News
Good Morning, I thought I would write you a quick note to tell you I am off for my Psychology appointment and then I have to go for a Smear test so wish me luck. I guess the reason I think it is important to tell you all this is that regardless what happens in life things still move on, life happens and whether you feel like it, you have to get on with it. I know that you might be thinking...'hey Jess, too much info' but that is it, I decided to write this Blog to share my experience with you and share I am going to. This Blog is about a real person dealing with a real issue so warts and all, we are going to go through it together.
I should tell you a funny story from yesterday, yesterday morning I got up and had a bath in preparation for learning to self catheterise, after my bath I dried and put moisturiser on, yep normal so far, the funny part of this is the moisturiser had glitter in it so when Zahirah came round I was all glittered up...funny...but wrong.
As you might already know I have been suffering really badly from Panic Attacks when I am out so the Psychologist will be helping me get over them. I have loads to talk about with her because last week before we went to Scotland I had a number of attacks about all sorts of things. I am actually hoping that learning to catheterise will help with the stress and panic of going out, this will be tested today as I have these 2 appointments. I am sure that I can get over these Panic Attacks but it is one of the hardest challenges that I have come up against as there is no real rhyme or reason to them and every time they happen it reminds me how different life has become.
I have actually been thinking of what I can do next year for my Christmas Presents so I think if anyone has any idea's please please let me know, whether it be sewing, knitting, cooking, glass painting, painting, drawing, crocheting or anything else you can think of, and if you have any links that could help me out I would really appreciate you commenting on this post with some ideas.
Anyway I should get on but I might be back later, see how my wrapping goes.
Have a great day
Love
Jess xxxx
I should tell you a funny story from yesterday, yesterday morning I got up and had a bath in preparation for learning to self catheterise, after my bath I dried and put moisturiser on, yep normal so far, the funny part of this is the moisturiser had glitter in it so when Zahirah came round I was all glittered up...funny...but wrong.
As you might already know I have been suffering really badly from Panic Attacks when I am out so the Psychologist will be helping me get over them. I have loads to talk about with her because last week before we went to Scotland I had a number of attacks about all sorts of things. I am actually hoping that learning to catheterise will help with the stress and panic of going out, this will be tested today as I have these 2 appointments. I am sure that I can get over these Panic Attacks but it is one of the hardest challenges that I have come up against as there is no real rhyme or reason to them and every time they happen it reminds me how different life has become.
I have actually been thinking of what I can do next year for my Christmas Presents so I think if anyone has any idea's please please let me know, whether it be sewing, knitting, cooking, glass painting, painting, drawing, crocheting or anything else you can think of, and if you have any links that could help me out I would really appreciate you commenting on this post with some ideas.
Anyway I should get on but I might be back later, see how my wrapping goes.
Have a great day
Love
Jess xxxx
Wednesday, 21 December 2011
The Return
Well hello there! I am your long lost Blogger and I am here to say 'I AM BACK'. Things have been a bit tough over the past three months and I have found it difficult to focus my thoughts on my Blog, so I have taken the time to make my Christmas Presents, which I can't tell you in detail about just now because it will ruin my families surprise. Hopefully I will post pictures of what I have made after Christmas, to WOW you all. It has actually been an essential part of my rehabilitation.
I got back last night from a trip to Scotland visiting family ready for my appointment today. As many of you will already know I have been having problems going for a wee, this problem is something that has bothered me for a long time. My bladder does not empty correctly causing me to need to use the toilet frequently. Today was the big day where I learnt to self catheterise which although sounds terrifyingly horrible, it isn't really and should give me some control back over my life. I have been trying to find a picture of the tool but I think it might freak people out so I won't share that much (if you do want to see here is a link Lofric Catheter). The lady who came round to supervised me doing it for the first time is lovely, her name is Zahirah and it wasn't embarrassing or difficult. All round it was a successful day, even though my life has changed beyond recognition and this is just another way in which I differ from others my age, I now have to tools and ability to control an area that has plagued my life for years.
I have been thinking a lot about my situation lately and it is strange how things turn out. You might think that finding out you have a degenerative disease would be the worst thing you could hear but I don't think it was. I have shaky times and sometimes it seems as if the world has it in for me but every day I think I grow a little as a person and every time I learn a new way of coping with this MonSter in my life I know that I can and will over come anything. Sometimes it is hard to rationalise the changes that happen in your life but then sometimes things happens to make it all seem worthwhile. This something recently was a piece of work my 11 year old niece wrote about me at school and I have included it for you to see why. Apologies that it is a little blurry but I think you will be able to read it.
I should also tell you that The Man and I are still going strong and every day in every way I love him more and more. I don't know how I would have coped on this journey without him but I am positive of the amazing strength he gives me and how much I feel loved being his girl. He is snoring away next to me now, as ever he has burnt the candle at both ends and is exhausted so I am glad he is getting some sleep. He is still working at my work and should be there until the end of January which will be nice, it will be lovely to have him there when I go back to work. I think it will be very intimidating going back to begin with but I am looking forward to it. He has helped every step of the way to make me strong so I would like him to be proud of me getting back and managing before he has to move on somewhere else (he is a contractor so moves around a lot).
I will leave you with some photo's from my holiday up to Scotland to visit family. My parents drove me up there to see my brothers and some friends and it was a lovely few days, especially because Scotland looks like a winter wonderland at the moment as you will see.
I got back last night from a trip to Scotland visiting family ready for my appointment today. As many of you will already know I have been having problems going for a wee, this problem is something that has bothered me for a long time. My bladder does not empty correctly causing me to need to use the toilet frequently. Today was the big day where I learnt to self catheterise which although sounds terrifyingly horrible, it isn't really and should give me some control back over my life. I have been trying to find a picture of the tool but I think it might freak people out so I won't share that much (if you do want to see here is a link Lofric Catheter). The lady who came round to supervised me doing it for the first time is lovely, her name is Zahirah and it wasn't embarrassing or difficult. All round it was a successful day, even though my life has changed beyond recognition and this is just another way in which I differ from others my age, I now have to tools and ability to control an area that has plagued my life for years.
I have been thinking a lot about my situation lately and it is strange how things turn out. You might think that finding out you have a degenerative disease would be the worst thing you could hear but I don't think it was. I have shaky times and sometimes it seems as if the world has it in for me but every day I think I grow a little as a person and every time I learn a new way of coping with this MonSter in my life I know that I can and will over come anything. Sometimes it is hard to rationalise the changes that happen in your life but then sometimes things happens to make it all seem worthwhile. This something recently was a piece of work my 11 year old niece wrote about me at school and I have included it for you to see why. Apologies that it is a little blurry but I think you will be able to read it.
I should also tell you that The Man and I are still going strong and every day in every way I love him more and more. I don't know how I would have coped on this journey without him but I am positive of the amazing strength he gives me and how much I feel loved being his girl. He is snoring away next to me now, as ever he has burnt the candle at both ends and is exhausted so I am glad he is getting some sleep. He is still working at my work and should be there until the end of January which will be nice, it will be lovely to have him there when I go back to work. I think it will be very intimidating going back to begin with but I am looking forward to it. He has helped every step of the way to make me strong so I would like him to be proud of me getting back and managing before he has to move on somewhere else (he is a contractor so moves around a lot).
I will leave you with some photo's from my holiday up to Scotland to visit family. My parents drove me up there to see my brothers and some friends and it was a lovely few days, especially because Scotland looks like a winter wonderland at the moment as you will see.
Night night for now
Loves
Jess xxxxxx
Friday, 16 December 2011
Rubbish Blogger.... I am so sorry!
I am still alive and have loads to tell you about, sorry I have been so rubbish at posting lately. I have been doing lots of crafts for Christmas, making my presents as part of my rehabilitation. I have so much to tell you and although I can not tell you it all just now I promise that I will as soon as I get home. Currently I am in the Highlands visiting my big brothers house. I am back on Tuesday so I promise I will update my blog then. Here are some photos of where I am.
Loves Always
Jess xxxx
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)