I almost lost the reason I started my blog, but I am slowly remembering the magic it brings me. I thought that I would never get sick again, I thought that I would live out my life as normally as anyone else. I thought I had left the tough times behind me and then one day I was told I had MS. At the time I thought, ‘well, that’s not too bad, I know people who are still fine and living life to the full with that illness’, I had no idea what was around the corner and I am glad I didn’t. The outlook of dealing with this disease is terrifying and makes me cry a lot when I think about it, but the answer is don’t look forward. Live now! Make the best of what you have now and take what comes when it comes. Do not try and predict your future because none of us can be certain of what is to come, if we did, none of us would cope well with it.
I remember the story in the film Krull, about the Cyclops. The Cyclops people we like us once upon a time, two eyed and they made a deal that they would give up one of their eyes for the gift of seeing the future. They became Cyclops but they were tricked and the only future they saw was their own death. I think the reason I like this story is that is what the future holds for all of us and none of us truly wants to know that reality. It would not reassure any of us if we could see into the future so I have decided to stop trying. I am all about today, I am not going to worry about tomorrow because I don’t need to, it will come and when it does I will conquer it much the same as I have conquered today.
I am at work and I am listening to the bustle of the office and I love it. I have sore ears (think I have an infection in them) but I am here and being a part of something is so important to me. I succeeded in getting back to work and if you had asked me a couple of months ago if I would make it back here I would have said definitely not, I would have been trying to predict the future and I would have got it terribly wrong. I have worked hard to be here and now I am going to work equally hard to stay here.
I got sad news this week, one of my friends sadly passed away. He was one of the first people I became friends with when I moved down to England and has remained a good friend ever since. He has been riddled with life’s problems for a long time and I think that his heart finally gave up on him. He was 64 (I think) and he liked to call himself my second Dad which I think he needed. He lost his son to suicide and has another son that has grown up and is living his own life. I will miss Blighty a lot, he was a character that I am glad to have had a short time with. He was an old surfer from the west country and spent his life in the prison force, being part of the rapid response unit and dealt with many of the large Prison riots over the past 3 decades. He will always be in my heart and I hope Skelly is up there to welcome him. I will forever miss them.
That’s me for now