fleet street fox: Special.

fleet street fox: Special.: IT IS a universal truth that if you tax people they don't like it. Poor people get uppity and rich people threaten to just get up and go, ...

Catch up 2.0

Relapsing

Botox

Psychological strain - covered that a bit so won't go into it too much might make us all MISERABLE again.

Work

Crafts

The Man - Could talk about how great he is for hours

Fixperts

Scooter

Relapsing
Relapsing really does suck, it creeps and and you can feel it coming like a spider crawling up you back, unable to reach it or unable to stop it.  I knew for a while that I was getting sick again, I knew but was powerless to stop it and due to my coming appointment for Botox I could not have any steroids or help, I felt once again like a sitting duck (http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/sitting+duck).  I think this hit me hard psychologically than any of the other relapses because I honestly thought with all the meds I wouldn't get sick again (nieve I know but hope is all you have sometimes).  The Man took me off to the sea side to cheer me up because I was so down, bless him.  I honestly think the angels were looking down and sent him to help me through this, he is nearly completely, entirely and wholly perfect.  Everyone in my life goes through this with me and sometime it must me twice as hard for them because they experience it all without any of the support to help them.  I was talking to some other MS'ers about it and someone said it is like living all the time in the MS Show and everyone else is an extra (TV terms) all the hard work and none of the recognition.  I think we should all give a massive shout out for all those who make our journey liveable, anyone who makes you smile, wipes away your tears and comforts you through the pain.  I could name every person who personally but it might take a while and to be honest the little old lady today with the walker who winked at me I don't know your name but you count on my MS Show and I want to thank you to.

Botox
I will explain this in much much more detail but for now I will tell you that it has worked and I am sleeping through the night, it is amazing.  I had a horrible experience though that day and I am actually writing a complaints letter about it so when it is done I will post it because it wasn't nice.  I love the NHS and I hate complaining because 9 time out of 10 they do a spectacular job and rarely get the credit for it, moment to give a massive moment for my MS nurse Freya who is absolutely superb and definitely deserves a HUGE thank you.  The problem I had that day was all down to one horrible nurse who was rude, aggressive and upsetting so I will post the letter as soon as it finished.

To be continued 

Loves for now xxxxx

Catch up

Yep yep, I know I have been once again rubbish at writing.  I have had some crazy times recently where I have been MISERABLE and I thought it best not to share this with you because although I want to write I don't want my writing to depress so I thought it better to SHUT UP for a while.  I am going to bullet point some things I want to talk about so that I can focus some attention on Blogging today.

• Olympics
• Paralympics
• Relapsing
• Botox
• Psychological strain
• Work
• Crafts
• The Man
• Fixperts
• Scooter

I will start with the Olympics because as you all know I was having a slight mental block on the whole event, mostly because living in East London it was disruptive.  All that said I absolutely loved it, I was off work (due to the Relapse) so I watched it all, every bit of it.  We had our friend staying here and it was lovely, here the inside scoop on it all.  I felt proud to be British and a little ashamed of my grumbles and complaints about it all.  The Man wants to buy the DVD when it comes out as he absolutely loved both the Opening Ceremony and the Closing Ceremony along with all the medalists.

I am doubly excited though about the Paralympics, we have tickets to see the Powerlifting and the Wheelchair Basketball which will both be amazing.  I have, all but been spurred on to find out if there are any sports clubs around our area that I could possibly get involved as I would absolutely love to be a part of a team.   I had a long conversation with someone about Oscar Pictorius and weather or not he should be allowed to compete in the Olympics and Paralympics and I think he should, I think he is a massive positive image for disabled people and he is helping to open peoples eyes to see that disabilities does not mean folk aren't as good.  I was shouting him on, so excited to learn about him and how he became so great.

Check out Paralympic Team GB - http://www.paralympics.org.uk/gb/athletes 

To be Continued...

Things that made me smile

Hot hot hot!

I am very hot today and I can't seem to cool down, it is driving me mad.  I have resorted to cold showering, soaking my feet in cold water.  Nothing has worked and I think the world is working against me (I know, woe is me) but Argos is out of tower fans and everywhere else seems to be on a 5 day deliver malarky AAAHHHH!  I will survive though, means I will just have to eat lots and lots of ice cream, thats right isn't.

I am just waiting for The Man to come home from work, he has been having a bit of a weird time at work because the contract he has been working on have just had the funding pulled and is now a no go.  He was taken on a couple of months ago and it was meant to involve travelling to different offices in Europe but he never went anywhere.  The project had been massively underestimated budget wise and the business has pulled it because it is not financially viable.  None of this had anything to do with The Man but it has been an unsettling time for him.  Not only that but he has had to deal with me which has not been the easiest thing in the world, I have been, shall we say a little miserable.  I have filled the foot spa and I am cooking him chicken in a white wine sauce with goats cheese salad and potato wedges.

My best friend just sent me these two quotes and I have to say I love them

"Laughter and tears are both responses to frustration and exhaustion. I myself prefer to laugh, since there is less cleaning up to do afterward."
Kurt Vonnegut

and

'I will never ever stand in the way of my best friend unless that way is down.'
She always knows how to make me smile.


I thought I would also tell you about our juicing, we are still having a juice in the morning and one in the evening.  I definitely feel a benefit from juicing and I would definitely recommend it.  I am definitely a believer in the power of juice and I think The Man is completely sold as well.  Tonight I made an Orange, Beetroot, Kale, Carrot and Ginger juice and it is lovely.

Night night for now
Jess xxx

Dr Seuss knows...do you?

Hello my name is Jess and I am in need of some therapy.  I have been on the missing list from my Blog but I have also been on the missing list from my life.  Unfortunately I am relapsing at the moment and it makes me want to hide away from the world until I feel better.  The reason I am writing today is I keep falling off the world and The Man thinks it would be healthy to put some of my feelings down on here.  I keep feeling really down, down about my situation, down about what I have to do to feel reasonably normal, down about not feeling like part of the world.  I also become slightly obsessed with something, something that I get angry with and project my fear, anger and upset onto.  The object of my anger has no real relevance to anything, it is just a way of me taking my anger out on something other than myself.

I have been feeling a little rough for the past few weeks but over the last two it has been wearing on me.  I have also been waiting to have Botox done in my bladder so I have been unable to get the steroids I need to kick me out of the relapse.  It was so important for me to have the Botox because I am not sleeping for longer than about 45 minutes without walking up and needing to pee so having this done it would mean that my body can reset and hopefully mean that I do not relapse as often in the future.  So staying on course to have the Botox on the 10th August had been my mine priority.  I just found this poem and I believe it says a lot for how I have been feeling.

Probably shows you how down I have felt.

I have just written a big paragraph about someone and then deleted it.  Some times I write things that I know I will never publish but when I write I soothe my own soul.  The power of writing is amazing and my Blog has helped me through the hardest of times and for that I am very grateful.  Being down about my situations is real, it is difficult and probably unpleasant to read about but it is real, it consumes me, takes over my world but there always a light and the first step in seeing that light is writing it down.

I am heading out for a coffee today, a practice run on my own up as far as the hospital, on the bus.  Beki from Shift.ms works up very close the hospital so I am going to meet up with her.  It is nice to get out, although it causes its own fair amount of pain it is good to try and get out.  I wish walking didn't hurt so much but thats that and I will get on with it and be grateful that I can still walk.  It will be lovely to see Beki and talk about shift.ms, unfortunately for us she is leaving to train as a teacher but amazing for teaching.  She is the type of person you hope will inspire your children in more than just curriculum, she is a superstar.   I will hopefully get to spend more time being involved with shift.ms in anyway I can, it is brilliant site that has helped me and so man others on this difficult path.
 
I will leave you with this just now because it always cheers me up -